Random Thoughts

1. I decided that during the Xmas break I will not be shying away from sugar, chocolate and caffeine. So I have been eating chocolate constantly, enjoying cozy tea with sugar or honey at least two times a day. I have also had the occasional latte and hot chocolate. My stomach is a little annoyed with me. However I have not touched gluten even though the temptation was there constantly. I came close to eating a ginger bread cookie that my little nephew saved for me Xmas night and I soon as he saw me he said he has been saving the cookie for me all day :), so sweet.
Since I am still having Endo like pain especially pre ovulatory that I will need to change my diet further and see if it will help. I feel like I am having some kind of inflammation since my joints on my shoulder and also lower back (hip joints) are painful to the touch. I will be cutting out diary and red meat. As much as I like meat I think I am having too much of it. If I don't have at least one meal that includes meat in a day I feel like I haven't eaten. This will be replaced with lots of beans, chicken, fish and veggies.

2. On Xmas day we had lunch with DH extended family. His cousin who had a baby two month ago was there with her little one. She is breastfeeding and also pumping since she has too much milk and at some point she went in to the dining room to pump. We were getting ready to go so while we were saying good byes she heard us and said to come in. She was pumping right in front of my husband and one of her male cousin. She doesn't blink about taking a boob out to feed her child in front of everyone either. Having lived in the US for the last 15 plus years I have become an American and got a little uncomfortable, not because she was doing it in front of me but in front of men. Having grown up in a third world country this would have been nothing, it wouldn't have even crossed my mind. It is the norm for woman to breastfeed their babies in public, of course they are discreet about it not showing too much etc. I am amazed by people here having issues with women breastfeeding their baby in public. What is more natural than a woman breastfeeding her child? It is Ok for teenagers to walk around with half the boob out and tong showing but some people take offense in a woman breastfeeding in public. How sad.

3. I made a list of things I needed to accomplish during the break. Just a few things like updating my resume, making Dr. and dentist appointments etc. A few years ago I had braces and once they were off I wore my retainers for 6 month and stopped. Endo pain kicked in and the retainers made my migraine worse. The top retainer also needed to be changed and I never went back. I have been dealing with IF and Endo pain that I didn't have the time or the will to address this so I was suppose to go back to the orthodontist and get another set of retainer. My teeth have already started moving and I can see that within a couple of years it will go back to the pre-braces shape :(, what a waist of the 5K I paid. So nothing on my list got done and I have three days left. I was also planning to spend a day catching up with work but I don't feel like it. Being the time of year for performance reviews I will have to write four of them when I get back along with countless other things I have to do. So my plan it to at least update my resume and deal with the work stuff next week.

4. I had made an appointment to see the Thyroid Dr. next week which needs to be changed. You see I haven't been following the Dr's order fully. She had told me to double my vitamin B, Selenium and B12 intake but I haven't done so. In addition I have not taken a singe iron pill since I saw her last so there is no point in my repeating the blood test and going back to her next week. I will have to extend the appointment and try to double the dosage.

5. On TTC front I have a fear of regretting that I haven't done enough to help my body heal and be ready to conceive. If at the end of this road there is no baby I do not want to have regrets that I haven't done this and that to make my self health. I don't know what else I can do at this point but leave it in God's hands.