Wednesday, June 25, 2014


This cycle will be the first time I am taking HCG.  I am on cd14 today and definitely ovulating.  I woke up today and just felt off.  DH is home today, we had breakfast and I started on lunch so we can go out after lunch.  Well, the only thing I managed was to chop some onions.  I went out on our deck to get some sun for about 10min and came in and crashed on our living room sofa.  My back and mid section were doing their thing and my legs felt tired.  My lower abdomen was throbbing, yep ovulation.  I took Advil and slept for about 2 hours.  DH cooked lunch when he saw the state I was in.  I feel much better this afternoon. 

We have been off the TTC wagon since December.  It has been a nice break and I was trying to keep it permanent but failing.  Since I am going to start the HCG we are going to go ahead and try.  With the exception of AF being light my last cycle LP is 13/14 days.  I am encourage to TTC this cycle.  I am having a lot of fertile CM and I am excited to try.    I don't want to slip in to the obsessive TTC wagon.  There will not be obsessive peeing on a stick to try to determine if HCG has left my body etc.   I don't have the energy for it.  But I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited and also scared of injecting myself.    I will go for P + 7 progesterone/estradiol test.  Since my last cycle I had a longer LP without meds I am hopeful that my progesterone level has improved.   I am hoping that HCG will also help with the pain.  So much hope riding on HCG.

Monday, June 16, 2014


1. We had such a wonderful weather this past weekend.  Both days were spent outdoors.  What a blessing.  We went to a local farm on Sat and had a picnic with some friends.  Toddler loved it a lot and run around like crazy.  On Sunday I dragged my husband to a local park which has a garden and we walked a little bit.  It was beautiful, a little too hot for my hubby but I loved it.  However, two days of outing is too much for my body.  Today I am paying for it.  It kind of kicked up my pain.  I usually wake up with pain but today's was extra specially.  I cooked lunch and I can feel it start to become intense.  I rested while toddler took a nap but by late afternoon it started back again and now I am bloated.  But I don't care, we had such a wonderful weekend. 

2. I was suppose to start HCG injection but I put it off and I have had two cycles med free.  This past cycle I had a 12/13 day LP with no spotting which is good for med free cycle.  In addition no PMS, I felt little cramping here and there before AF started but overall it was pretty sweet.  I almost always have PMS that start about a week before AF.   The cramps during my period were a little intense but resisted taking painkillers.   I also had a good amount of bleeding so that is encouraging.   It is still lighter than normal but close enough.  I am on cd5 and will be doing HCG injection this cycle.   Just hoping that it helps with the endometriosis pain.  We will also TTC, we shall see.

3. After cooking dinner I put all the left overs in the fridge and just left all the pots/pans out.  It will get washed tomorrow morning.  I am learning to let things go when I am in pain.  My kitchen is a mess tonight but it is more important that I rest.   Sometimes I get frustrated with DH, when he sees that I am in pain I want him to go in there and clean the kitchen.  But I also want him to play with toddler etc.  I just wish that he is a little more involved in the kitchen. 

4.  Since DH has summer schedule (only two days of work/week) we have had a lot of free time and have been watching the World Cup.  It has been fun so far. 

5. I can't believe it is already June.  It will soon be 2 years since I quit working.  I have been thinking a lot about what it will mean to go back to work with my current pain level.    It might be doable on painkillers but for how long?   Having a large gap is never good for ones career.   I need to find a way to manage the pain so that I can work.   Going back to work for me will mean that the house work will have to be neglected.  DH will have to share the burden.   I may consider going to some pain management program.  

I hope everyone is enjoying the summer.  Warm weather puts a smile on my face. 

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Planning/having a wedding while ill

Around the time of our engagement my endometriosis had really kicked in and was so bad that I was in daily agony.   I started gaining weight, had to eat constantly and had lower back pain all the time and standing/walking for more than 20 min was impossible.  At the time I didn’t know what it was, every Dr. I went to said I was perfectly fine.    In addition, I was fatigued and I believe my thyroid and adrenal hormones were off even though the famous endocrinologist looked me in the eye and told me I was in perfect health (I wanted to slap him).    When we got engaged we figured it would take about 6 months to plan our wedding.   It was a family affair and we involved our immediate families and we assigned tasks.  

During one of the planning meetings with family I remember I couldn’t sit still because my lower back was killing me.  I would go to our bathroom and lye on my yoga mat and stretch my back and come out.    I remember cooking for the meeting the day before in agony; let’s just say the food wasn’t very appetizing.  Over those six months things started getting worse.  I still made it to work and managed to put in a full day with the help of over the counter painkillers.    The hypo symptoms in the morning were so bad that I rearranged my daily tasks so that I spent morning at my desk instead of the lab.    Walking to a different building for meetings at work was difficult and I would drive instead of walk 10 min.   Sitting straight on a chair was close to impossible.  With all this going on I still went ahead with the wedding in the hopes that I will start to feel better. 
I bought my wedding dress three months before the wedding and within those 3 months I had gained another 5 lb.  Within the 6 months I was up 15 lb and that is a lot since I am only 5 feet 2 inches tall.  I barely fitted in the dress.   I was blotted and I am pretty sure people in the family, especially DH’s family thought I was pregnant.    This was all before I figured out gluten was an issue for me so I had consumed a lot of glutinous food around the time.  I had 3-5 bowl movements a day; it felt like the food just went straight out without being digested.    I was always hungry and ate at least six times a day.   

A couple of months before the wedding I was tested for H. pylori and it was positive.  I felt slightly better after the antibiotic treatment but the endo pain was the same.    However, I was not going to let my illness get in the way of getting married.    At the end of a work day I can barely lift my head from the headrest of my car seat. 

The wedding day arrived which started at 6 in the morning.   I had told my sisters to carry food for me at all places I was at prior to the reception so I can snack.  We had the wedding service in the morning, followed by a picnic and picture session.    It was a beautiful sunny day and by the end of the church service I was beat.  During the ride to the picnic location I rested a little bit in the limo and out we were in the sun.  By the time the picnic was over I was dead.  I can recognize the pain face of pictures taken towards the end.   My husband was the only one that recognized my pain face.  Before the reception I took Advil and took a nap.     Picture below taken at the picnic.

During the reception I took more painkiller.  I wore sandals, there was no way I was going to manage high heels.  My bridesmaids wore high heels even though I had asked them not to and they towered over me.   That was the least of my worries.     I sat for most of the dancing and would get up every 20 min and pretend to dance :)  The wedding party was high energy (except for me) and they were drank and on the dance floor all night while I sat and watched.  My husband was out there too dancing for most of the night.  

If you see the wedding video you can't tell I was in pain but that is what Endometriosis is all about.  You look health from outside while your insides are killing you.