Saturday, June 30, 2012

Stressed Out

We will be closing on our house in a few weeks and I can't wait for that day so I can finally quit my job.  There is so much negativity and finger pointing that is going on at work that even being there one day is a struggle.  However, all things come to an end and I am trying to be patient and wait these two weeks out.  It feels like 2 years instead of two weeks.  If I could I would have taken the next two weeks off and hand in my resignation when I came back but that is close to impossible.    In the mean time I am trying to fill my head with good thoughts and plans on how to decorate our house, color of hardwood floor and wall paint to choose and so on.  
I had extensive blood work done as well as the saliva test for cortsol and DHEA.   My Vitamin D, vitaminB12, magnesium, pregnenolone,  DHEA, Zinc and Iron are low.   The saliva test also shows cortosol on the low side during the day and higher in the evening.   I convinced my Dr. to put me on 5 mg of HC even though she said the levels are not low enough to prescribe HC.   With the supplement and prescription I have 12 pills to take on a daily bases and that is a lot.   I am hoping that this treatment will do the trick for another baby.   My cycles have been a little odd since I stopped breastfeeding, the last cycle was right on the money, 28 days with no spotting and minimally PMS.  The cycle before that lasted 40 days or so.  I am expecting AF any day now, today being 27 days and I am crampy and irritable but not spotting.  I am taking progesterone throughout my cycle day 3-28.  I thought taking progesterone before ovulation affects ovulation but my Dr. tells me other wise.   We are changing it to take only 100 mg from day 3-14 and 200 mg from day 15-28.   Even though AF is right around the corner I am tempted to test since I have two pregnancy sticks looking at me.  I am going to resist until tomorrow.   

So the plan for us is to see if I can get pregnant in the next 6 month.  I am going to take at least 6 months before I start looking for a job.  If we are blessed with a pregnancy then I would be taking at least 1.5 years off.  But the infertile in me says don't plan these things out since it never works out the way we want it. I have promised my self that I will refrain from obsessively taking and thinking about TTC.   

Baby MH is doing great.  She started crawling and is keeping us very busy.   We have been co-sleeping since she was about 3 month old.   We will have to transition her to her own crib soon but will wait until I am out of this job. 

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Quick Takes-lt has been a while

1. Wow, can't believe it, its been more than a month since I last blogged.  Time flies.  I have been doing a lot of thinking and kind of neglected this blog.  I have a lot in my mind and the fact that my computer shuts on me every 20 minutes or so doesn't help.

2. After a lot of talking, complaining, thinking I finally have decided to leave my job in a couple of months.   From ever front this job is not good for me.   I can tolerate work load, less pay, dead end positions  but I can't tolerate working with people that don't have your best interest at heart and that are all about themselves.   We talked with DH at length on this, and he said he supports my decision and all he wants is for us to be at peace.  Since I have been back to work after maternity leave I have constantly been miserable and complaining at ever chance I got and DH hates it.   It took me a while to get to this point.   When you have been at the same job for more than 10 years it is intimidating to leave but it has to be done.   I have done a lot of thinking over the last month and prioritizing what is important for our family right now.  Being in my late 30s I don't have many fertile years left and we would like to try for a 2nd child.   In addition, my health right now is not at its best.  Hormonally I am still not stable and the stress at my job is not helping.    So the plan is for me to take some time off, at least 3-6 months and look for another job.  Right now going to a new job is not the best choice.    I am  terrified of this decision, it is going to mean that our income is going to be cut by half, which means we can pay all the bills but will not be able to save any money.  The scariest part for me is being at home for six months.   I am so used to working that I don't know how I would manage being home but I am looking forward to spending time with my daughter. 

2. We are in the process of buying a home.  We finally settled for something older and smaller that would only use one income.  If I stay home for an extended time we can still make the house payment, it just would mean we will not have much saving.  

3. The other thing that worries me the most about not working is being dependent on DH financially.  I have never been dependent on any one since I left for college and I don't know how to take it.  I took pride in being the 50% provider  financially for our family and with that gone I don't know how I am going to feel about it.  In addition, although DH supports my decision to quit and we have talked about it I don't want this to bring additional stress on him.  Any one who has gone through this please share any advice you  may have.

4. Baby girl is a lot active but she still not crawling.  She likes to stand supported but refuses to crawl at all.  She may just prefer to walk.  She is going to be 9 month in a few weeks.  We are having issues with solid food, some days she will eat a few spoon fulls but other days she doesn't want to touch it.

5. I went back to my Dr. and did some blood work as well as adrenal hormone  testing.  I am suppose to go back to her in a few weeks.  I will also be seeing the other Napro dr in Dr. S office.
6. Sorry I haven't been commenting much.  With all that is going on right now I am distracted.  Promise will get back to blogging and commenting more often.