I have so many things swarming around in my head. Too many things. I have had tension headaches for a few weeks now and there are too many stressors that I am struggling to cope. The fact that I am easlily stressed plays a huge role in the state I am in right now. Today, instead of staying home I decided that I will visit my parents and take my thoughts off of my problems but that didn't work at all. Any how, I just needed to list my irritation, problems and unrelastic worry thoughts before I went to sleep in hopes of a good night sleep if I just get it off my chest. Here is the list
1. We are suppose to close on our house on wed. The loan is approved under a condition that DHs work provide a letter of employment. The bank couldn't get a letter last week due to the power outage. So we have two days to provide this letter. The HR office was not responsive on Friday after they got the power restored so I am really worried that we will not be able to close on Wed which will mean that I am not going to be able to quit my job the week after as planned :(.
2. Things are really ugly at work and I can't keep pretending that all is good. Every day I am there is painful. I have tried to suck it up over the last few weeks but it is stressisng me out. I also have so much to do that I am working 11 hour days and also at least half a day during the weekend.
3. We went to my parents and all my siblings were visiting too. I went there to get away from my problems and being it familiy there will always be someone elses problems. I have a sister married to a man that I can't figure out and they are having problems and I know she is stressed but refuses to talk about it openly to the family. I also have another sister that has been struggling with depression for years and I worry a lot about her.
4. Our marriage needs work. DH has not been happy about a lot of things as far as how I am coming short on my responsibilities at home. I also recognize that there is a lot I can do to improve but the work stress, new baby and my health issues always distracts my focus on what is important. I am not fulfilling what my husband needs from this marriage which are very simple things like a clean house and a simple family meal on the table. There is a lot I need to do and quitting my job will give me enough time to focus on our home.
There are more other thing up in my stupid head but I think I listed enough for today. Hoping for a good sleep tonight. I started taking HC today, that should help a lot.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
AF was expected on Sunday but no show. I have mild cramps for days now and I have taken a.divil a couple of times already. I swore I ovulated around d13/14 but I could be wrong. So I broke down and tested on Sunday and BFN. I know I am not PG, I just don't feel it. I suspect it is all the work stress that is affecting my cycles. A few month ago it lasted close to 40 days and it came and went away within a day. Very Odd for me. So I am just waiting it out. Stress has such a big effect on our bodies. I just want AF to show up and go away. So frustrating.