fall

fall

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Quick Takes-lt has been a while

1. Wow, can't believe it, its been more than a month since I last blogged.  Time flies.  I have been doing a lot of thinking and kind of neglected this blog.  I have a lot in my mind and the fact that my computer shuts on me every 20 minutes or so doesn't help.

2. After a lot of talking, complaining, thinking I finally have decided to leave my job in a couple of months.   From ever front this job is not good for me.   I can tolerate work load, less pay, dead end positions  but I can't tolerate working with people that don't have your best interest at heart and that are all about themselves.   We talked with DH at length on this, and he said he supports my decision and all he wants is for us to be at peace.  Since I have been back to work after maternity leave I have constantly been miserable and complaining at ever chance I got and DH hates it.   It took me a while to get to this point.   When you have been at the same job for more than 10 years it is intimidating to leave but it has to be done.   I have done a lot of thinking over the last month and prioritizing what is important for our family right now.  Being in my late 30s I don't have many fertile years left and we would like to try for a 2nd child.   In addition, my health right now is not at its best.  Hormonally I am still not stable and the stress at my job is not helping.    So the plan is for me to take some time off, at least 3-6 months and look for another job.  Right now going to a new job is not the best choice.    I am  terrified of this decision, it is going to mean that our income is going to be cut by half, which means we can pay all the bills but will not be able to save any money.  The scariest part for me is being at home for six months.   I am so used to working that I don't know how I would manage being home but I am looking forward to spending time with my daughter. 

2. We are in the process of buying a home.  We finally settled for something older and smaller that would only use one income.  If I stay home for an extended time we can still make the house payment, it just would mean we will not have much saving.  

3. The other thing that worries me the most about not working is being dependent on DH financially.  I have never been dependent on any one since I left for college and I don't know how to take it.  I took pride in being the 50% provider  financially for our family and with that gone I don't know how I am going to feel about it.  In addition, although DH supports my decision to quit and we have talked about it I don't want this to bring additional stress on him.  Any one who has gone through this please share any advice you  may have.

4. Baby girl is a lot active but she still not crawling.  She likes to stand supported but refuses to crawl at all.  She may just prefer to walk.  She is going to be 9 month in a few weeks.  We are having issues with solid food, some days she will eat a few spoon fulls but other days she doesn't want to touch it.

5. I went back to my Dr. and did some blood work as well as adrenal hormone  testing.  I am suppose to go back to her in a few weeks.  I will also be seeing the other Napro dr in Dr. S office.
  
6. Sorry I haven't been commenting much.  With all that is going on right now I am distracted.  Promise will get back to blogging and commenting more often. 

4 comments:

  1. I know it will be scary to leave your job, but how freeing it will be! I always envision packing it all up and just walking away from my job, leaving all the worries of it behind. Enjoy your time off, and I hope you find a great new job!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh sweetie! So many changes and SO much stress!!! If your adrenals weren't shot before, they are now! ;) I totally understand. When I first got married I was the only one working full time, my husband was working part time and going to school full time. When I got pregnant, I was SO grateful, but I was beyond petrified. I have always known that I want to be a SAHM and I didn't see how it would be possible. Months ticked by and he still couldn't find a full time job, we decided to wait until school was out for the last semester, which gave him less than a month before the baby was born... but I was put on bed rest for the last 3 months of the pregnancy, and we used up ALL of our savings to make bills. Just when I thought we were going to go under, he miraculously found a good job in his field and started 2 days after his last final. It's still amazing to me how it all worked out.

    I get what you're saying and going through. I've always been fiercely indepedent, and sometimes it's still hard to feel like I'm not contributing to the family, especially on days when my health is so poor that I can't get anything done at home, or at times when money runs so short that we're holding our breath... but for me, it has been worth it. We've always found a way to make it work, and I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to be a SAHM. But either way it's a sacrifice. If you work, you sacrifice time with your children and control of your environment. If you stay home you sacrifice money, alone time, and time talking with adults. LOL.

    You'll know what to do. I hope you enjoy your time off and that you'll have peace with whatever decision you make, to go back to work or to stay home permanently. And always know that God will direct your path. He will help you achieve the life He has planned for you. So pray, take a deep breath, and trust Him.

    Sorry for the novel, but I've missed you! *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  3. You will get over being dependent on him real quick! :) How our society makes us think we are failures if we are dependent on our husbands.....Ahh, such a crock of crap! :)

    I have seen miracles happen since I have been out of work. It's amazing!

    I was laid off before we had kids and right after my endo surgery that we had to pay much money for.....And you want to talk about dependent. :) I did not bring in but 1/4 of the income but still, it was mine and I worked all my life.

    3 days after being laid off, I looked at my husband and said, I.can.not.return.to.work.ever.again. :) THat is when I was so sick, I just laid on the couch for days on end. I'm sure the feminist would have had a hay day with me.

    When I worked I also helped pay some of the bills etc....now I don't even know what is in our checking account even though I have access to all accounts. I just figured only one of us needs to stress about money and it's not going to be me. :)

    I don't miss adult interaction.....I don't miss going to work....I don't miss any of it....Sure, we don't stack cash in savings like we used to but I'm home with my baby. :) That is all that matters.....

    I've seen my husband change into such a determined provider. He busts his ass for us and it makes me so proud. Makes me cry on days when I can't get off the couch, but in our own way we give what we were meant to give to the family. I let him fight the world because I don't have it in me to fight. :)

    So enjoy your time off and I hope you see how wonderful it really is!

    Older and smaller is NO BIG DEAL! I love my small house because I can keep up with it and because it's perfect for us.....I love it cause my hubs busts his ass for us to be in this tiny house I love to call home! :) It really brings around a thankful heart when he goes to work and I stay home....I'm thankful every single day even though I get pissy. :) LOL hahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you for your advices. It means a lot.

    ReplyDelete