Holidays

This week has been extra hard for our family. This time last year was the hardest for us. I don't want to get deep in to our loss and grief here but this has been a heart breaking year for my family. I don't know how I got through it and still getting through it I guess. With that being said I have a lot to be Thankful for.

We had Thanksgiving at my sisters as usual. All our families are no more than an hour drive from each other. It was a small gathering with just the immediate family and it was low key, a time of reflection, gratitude and sadness for our loss.

In cycle news I am on CD11 and have no fertile CM. I usually ovulate CD11-14 and have at least 6 days of fertile CM. I have no idea what hijacked my fertile CM but it is weird. No sign of ovulation, nothing. This is very strange for me since I am very regular and have short cycles (24-28 day cycles). Could this be the effect of taking estradiol post ovulation or is the Hy.drocort to blame? Any one reading experienced the same thing with these meds? This is making me nervous because the one thing I could count on was having a normal ovulation, if this is going to be added to the list of my issues it would not be good. My next appointment with Dr. S is in Feb but I guess I could send him my charts after this cycle.

We had a discussion on being childless with my DH. I was very emotional Thanksgiving night. DH expressed on how much he wants a baby but how he is patient and that if it is God's will that he will find a way to deal with it. Recently I can see that he has been thinking about it a lot. He has a lot of faith that this will happen for us. His mother tried 8 years before she had him, he is the miracle child.

I have taken a couple of weeks off around Xmas time and looking forward to it. We were thinking of going on vacation but nothing has been planned. We may just make it a trip to NY for a few days and the rest of it will be spent at home doing nothing. Can't wait for that.

Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving. Thank You for all your comments and for sharing your journey of IF.

HC Rocks

AF final is on her way out so I am excited to get some relief.

Thanks to HC I have been feeling and sleeping a lot better. I even had energy to go out to a friends engagement party which lasted until 2 am in the morning. Yes, me the one with no energy that would cry at the thought of being at one place for hours and sitting on a dry chair made it to dinner/dancing. I was so trilled that I can actually have some social life occasionally. I was more happy to be able to go with my hubby, usually I would send him off by himself. I actually spent some time on the dance floor too. I am paying for it a little today as I feel my side pain is a little more intense but nothing a good rest won't take care of.

On the thought of Endo pain I get intense numbing pain on both sides of my thigh, a little above my thighs. The last time I was at my massage treatment the woman nearly killed me. I had so many knots that she had such a pleasure beating my muscles until her hands hurt. But it felt great and it got rid of my pain to some extent but if I go for a walk a couple of times I know it will be back in its full intensity. I don't know weather this is related to Endo, scar tissue or just posture issues but it is not pleasant.

The one thing I still lack on is not getting enough physical activity which I still need to work on.

It gets Better

Yesterday I had minor cramps at P+8. Towards evening I had very light spotting. Yep a 7-8 day L.uteal Phase. That sucks big time. I thought the Progesterone will delay my period but seem not to have helped. Since my surgery I have variable L.utel Phase ranging between 6-11 days. This is not good at all. This is month 2 of being on Progesterone since I took it last month orally.

I am the worst when it comes to being patient. I tried not to think about the 2WW and I was good at it until I started spotting yesterday. I don't know how but I am going to have to practice patience. I actually started thinking that this is implantation spotting. Yeah right, I have seen this before so not anything new.

I am really angry about this infertility dilemma. Not only I can't get pregnant but I have to deal with cramps a week before AF arrives. That is 10 days of off and on cramps until AF leaves.

On a positive note though I don't have raging PMS so the hormones are helping, hoping I didn't speak too soon.

Emotions

We went to see my husband's cousin who just had a baby. The little tiny girl is so cute. Her father was grinning ear to ear and is so excited to be a father. Seeing him that happy made me think of my husband and that he may never be able to experience this and it made me really sad. I am good at burring my emotions so I kept it together but now shedding tears in private :(

Postive Outlook

Today is Cd 18 (P+4). I started the progesterone and estradiol yesterday. It wasn't cold enough for our heat to be on during the night so I had turned it off. I walk up this morning and I was hot and a little sweaty. Yes me the "cold block" was warm all over. That is a good feeling that the progesterone is working wonders. I took oral progesterone last cycle and didn't see any difference in my temp. Definitely using it the other way is much better.

When I walk up this morning and I told DH that I was hot he said he has a feeling that he thinks I will be pregnant this cycle :). He rarely says stuff like this and usually doesn't talk about pregnancy etc. It caught me by surprise and I just said hope you are right. However, I have promised my self that I would not live my life in 2 week increments anymore and is trying to ignore the fact that I am in the 2WW phase. I don't want to analyze every pinch, cramp and what ever else that goes on in there as a possible pregnancy symptom. This week I am actually preoccupied with worrying about the endo coming back and less with the 2WW wait. The last two weeks I was not able to walk for more than 20 min without feeling dizzy and disoriented due to numbness around my sides and right leg, all too familiarly symptoms of Endo. So I am taking one day at a time.

My migraine headaches seem to have lifted a little bit more and my mood seem to be better since I have started HC. Will see what the progesterone and estradiol will do for my PMS.

Even though Dr. S said the preovulatory phase is Ok based on the hormonal tests I want to do an ultrasound series and need to find an OBGYN that will be willing to do this, no way I can go to PA for a week.

On other news I bought this this past weekend. It will be put to use all winter long. I paid $70 more for it but what is done is done. I saw it for cheaper a few days later somewhere else but I had already cooked on it so didn't feel like it is right to retrun it.

Thyroid Dr. Update

I had a follow up with my Dr. who prescribed the T.3 for my Thyroid. After a month on the medication and vitamins my free T.3 levels are increasing but still not high enough. In addition the selenium, B12, folic acid and iron storage levels are still not in the normal range. So she increased the dosage for both T.3 and vitamins. I am responding to the therapy since in most cases levels are increasing based on treatment. My reverse T.3 is also has gone down a little. In regards to the HC that Dr. S prescribed 4X a day she adjusted that a little bit saying that I should take more of it in the morning and less at night to mimic the natural cortisol level. So I will be taking 10mg in the morning, 7.5 mg mid day and 2.5 mg before bed. That makes a lot of sense. What I love about this Dr. is that she is open to Dr. S treatment and interested in his suggestion etc. I have been taking the vitamins at mid day since it is less harsh on my stomach after a large meal but now that the dosage has gone up I will have to take some of it in the morning. I have to be thinking of a filling breakfast than the one fried egg I eat normally. It is just so hard to plan for breakfast when on GF and low sugar.

I haven't felt any different since I started HC but it is only been three days.

On cycle news today is CD14 and I had a good six days of fertile CM and it looks like I ovulated yesterday/today so that is good. Dr. S said that my preovulatory phase looks good.

Can't wait for a hormonal balanced me :)

A call from the Pharmacy

So I dropped my prescription for progesterone, estradiol and HC the other day. I get a call from the Pharmacist saying she is having difficult understanding Dr. S instruction on hot to take the progesterone. I had to explain what P+3 means etc and I also had to explain on how to take the progesterone (sticking the pill down there). She said it seem like you know what to do. Hehehehe, I forget that this infertility stuff is foreign to most people. I thought that was funny. A close friend of mine also called to ask how my appointment went and I told her about the progesterone and she said "is there an apparatus that comes with it for application..." I told her it comes with a gun and you just shoot it up there :).
My friend has never been to an OBGYN even though I have begged her to go for annual check ups so you can understand how she can be so amused by this type of stuff.

My coworker who is expecting and I were I.messaging and she asked me how it was going with the infertility stuff and proceeded to tell me how we should time sex and how. I laughed so hard and said if you repeat this again and give me suggestions on when and how to have sex I will beat you up. I think she tried for about four month or so before she got PG so I am suppose to be taking advise from her having had almost 3 years of trying under my belt. Amusing I tell you.

N.apro Dr. Visit Update

I had my appointment with Dr. S yesterday. First of all as much as I respect and love that man for helping me with my issues I have to say he moves slow. I waited for more than an hour to see him. This is my 5th visit and each time I have been there there is at least 1h wait. I waited in the examination room for more than 25 min, I should have known better and taken my husband in there with me. However it was all worth it.

We went over the cycle long hormonal result. Here are my numbers

Pre-peak Estradiol (ng/dL): CD7 (10.0), CD10 (27.4), CD11 (25.3), CD13 (14.1), CD15 (10.3)-normal range, he said he liked to see it around 25 at its highest

Post Peak
Estradiol: P+3 (9.8), P+5 (12.8), P+7 (11.4), P+10(6.2), P+11(4.9): low
Progesterone (ng/mL): P+3 (11.2), P+5 (8.7), P+7 (7.6), P+10(3.9), P+11(2.7): very low

TSH: 1.32 mIU/mL, LH 4.8 mIU/mL, LH/FSH 0.7, Free T4 1 ng/dL, Prolactin 7.2
All within the normal range.

So I have been diagnosed with Type II L.uteal Phase defect which I knew already because of early spotting etc. He also went over the Adrenal hormone testing that I did with my other Dr. where the evening level was low but all others were within range. He still felt that I have some degree of Adrenal fatigue and should be on HC to correct it. My other Dr. said it is within the normal range and she won't treat it even if the evening level was below detection limit. Dr. S prescribed progesterone and estradiol after ovulation
starting on P+3. I am also suppose to take HC 4X a day. I really thought that the esradiol levels will also be abnormal since I get migraines and foggy head preovulatory but it doesn't seem like it. Hoping the HC will take care of that. Oh yeah and I am suppose to put the progesterone in my you know what instead of taking it orally. Not looking forward to it.

We have been given the green light to TTC. I have an appointment with my other Dr. who prescribed T.3 on Friday to discuss where my thyroid hormone levels are after a month of treatment.

I know that these treatments are not a true fix for the problem and are meant to help alleviate my symptoms and also possible help with implantation if everything else happens the way it suppose to. So my next quest is why do I have this condition and how can it be corrected so that my body can produce sufficient amount of the hormones with no help.