Panicking

Yes this blog is all about PMS and period.  Sorry.  

I am panicking right now.  The last few days I have been so freaking worried that the D & C after the missed miscarriage could have caused the almost non existent bleeding during my period.

I had PMS starting a week before AF arrived.  The usually cramping, lower pack pain, boob pain etc.  I started seeing a hint of blood when I wiped starting 11 days after ovulation and continue to see the same thing for three days.  Then what seem to be Day 1 of AF yesterday I only see bleeding when I wipe.   I don't even need a panty liner, it is that scanty.   I have never experienced this before, my issues before my 2nd surgery was always bleeding too much and clots and now I am dealing with the opposite. 

This cycle is the third cycle after the D & C.   My cycle after a D & C was also very light, just spotting.  The 2nd cycle the same.  The cycle now is worse, I see red blood but nothing that would be enough to spot or only few spots.   Of course I goggled and run in to "As.herman's Syndrome".  Oh boy, now I am in a panic mode.   Could it be possible that the D & C could have hurt my lining?
I wasn't worried about the less bleeding with the first cycle since people say it happens after a D & C.   It is so weird not to be bleeding when you are cramping as usually.  I feel like the bleeding could be trapped, oh geeeeeeeeeeee.  Why can't I get a break, why do I have to deal with one problem after another?

I am suppose to do a day 21 ultrasound to measure the uterine lining.   I put it off for the next cycle.  

Anyone reading with the same experience after a D & C?  Please comment

It seem like another pregnancy is looking sooooo out of reach right now :(

Randomness

1. I just put MH down for her nap.  I am exhausted, changing her diaper has became a fight every single time.   When she was old enough to start kicking, I was delighted she didn't fuss and kick when we changed her diaper.  Now she is making up for lost time.  She is 2 years old so she knows better when she is told to stop but she keeps fighting me.  Part of it is that when DH changes her diaper he goes along with the kicking and plays around with her.   I can't do that, I don't enjoy being kicked in my stomach multiple times while I am wiping poop.   Not only she kicks me in the belly, she also brings her leg up to my face and attempts.   So I start of with a warning and try to distract her but by the end of the diaper change we are both mad.  Then I take her to her time out spot and tell her to stand with her facing the wall.   Of course she doesn't stand still.  Then the tears fall like heavy rain and my heart breaks but I try to resist giving in.    By the end of the ordeal I am exhausted because now she is upset and wants to be held.   Hope this is a temporary thing.

2.  I have had PMS symptoms for the last 6 days now.   I am just wiped out.  Cramps, lower back pain, boob pain, headaches, fatigue.   I am this close to stopping the progesterone because I think it is making it worse.  I ovulated early this cycle, seem another wasted cycle.  Went ahead and took all meds, started spotting on P+10.  AF is due tomorrow so I must suffer for another few days.  My house is a mess, the floor need mopping and my back is not up to that task.   Ever afternoon this week I have been laying down every time I get a chance.   My P+7 progesterone level is at 7.4., pretty low.   I think this cycle is a fluke so I am going to wait for next cycle and repeat the test.  

3. I started taking the desiccated thyroid this week.  I haven't seen any difference in how I feel.  With all the PMS it is hard to gage improvement so we shall see how I feel when I am done with AF.

4. My mom is going home in Dec.  I will be alone for at least a month :(.  Not looking forward to it. 

5. I will be hosting Thanksgiving.   It is just going to be my sisters family and parents so not too much pressure. 

6.  I have been trying to prepare myself for a possibility of going back to work in the spring.   I started reading some articles and just refreshing myself with all that is needed.   I am counting on the desiccated thyroid to get me to where I need to be physically and emotionally so I can handle working.  We shall see.

7.  I am going to go lie down in my bed and watch a movie.   Hope you all have a good weekend.

Thyroid and other tests

I had an appointment with my Dr., I have made her as my primary even though she doesn't take insurance.  I have been going to her since 2010.   Any how the last time I saw her was in Nov. of last year.  At the time she suggested that I follow up after 3 month and I just disappeared.   Besides the slow release T3 I wasn't taking any of the supplements that she had suggested so I didn't see the point of seeing her ever three months.   Since I haven't noticed any difference in how I feel based on the T3 I wasn't going to spend $300-400 out of pocket.  While I was working this was no issue but since we don't have much to spare after meds and other things I couldn't justify it.   

So this time I wanted to check where things are and also I wanted to see if she thinks I could benefit from Armour.   I went ahead and did a bunch of blood tests that looked at the thyroid, metabolic, vitamin and other things. 

So as expected, my B12 is low since I had stopped taking it a while back.   Iron is low for the same reason.  What surprised me is that my Free T4 came up low which hasn't happened before.  So even before I mention it she suggested I add T4 to my morning pill party.   So I asked her if I can try Armor instead and we shall see how I do.  I am really hopeful that this will help me with the anxiety and foggy brain.   We shall see. 

My vitamin D level is at 23 ng/mL people.  All summer I had made a point sitting out on our deck and getting some sun.  I also stopped the vitamin D3 supplement months ago and just restarted taking it in the winter.  When I was on all these supplements I felt that my digestive system was not handling it well. I just felt overloaded. This was back early this year and I decided to stop all of the supplements and I felt a lot better.   Looking at my last lab that was done a year ago it looks a lot better as far as B12, ferritin and free T4 levels; but I remember feeling so awful day in and day out.  Now my labs look worse I actually feel better than a year ago.   The only supplement I have been talking the last 6 months is prenatal. 

So I am suppose to add the following  to my already long list of meds.  

Selenium
B12
Armour

I am suppose to go back to her in 3 months if I feel ok on Armour just to recheck the levels.   Until I stabilize free T4 levels I will have to commit to the 3 months schedule. 

The blood test for cortisol also came high.   This is fasting level before taking my meds.  I don't know if I should go ahead and do the saliva test again to make sure levels are OK.  The last time I tested saliva cortisol was low but within range.  

This and that, mostly sulking

1.  I hate fall back, why can't we just stick with one time.  This change in time mess up my adrenals.   Seriously, I can tolerate the cold but I hate it when it starts getting dark at 5:30pm.  It is messing with me big time.  You would think with the time change we would start getting up early.  It happened just for one day, MH got up an hour early as expected but the next day back to sleeping until 9 am.   I set my alarm clock for 8 am so we can get up earlier and enjoy the day light. 

2.  I was looking forward to a relaxing evening with my husband today.  It is cold out and I planned for us to stay home and I also want to wash my hair and style.  When he came home today, one of his friend told him about a book release discussion and he wanted to go.  All the way to the city, which is like 45 min drive.  So he won't be back until 10 pm the earliest I guess.   So I am sitting at home.  MH is parked at the TV.   I know bad mom, but she hasn't watched TV the last few days so it is Ok. 

3. I haven't stepped out of the house in two days.  Yesterday it was raining, today it was windy and cold so we didn't go for our daily walk.  MH hates the cold wind on her face, but I should have just bundled her up and gone out for some air.  Now I am feeling cabin feverish.   Reminder to me is to go out for a walk even when it is cold, unless it is too cold.  Toddler needs air and I need it too.

4. We have a birthday party to go to for MHs cousin who is turning 3.   I am looking forward to seeing everyone.  Her Mom is trying for a 2nd child but it is not happening, she is in her early 40s and having issues.  Back in the beginning of summer when we saw her she asked me if I was pregnant and I told her no and we are having trouble as expected.  I asked about her she said not yet and kind of changed the subject. Why is it that people ask you these questions but don't like being asked the same questions?   May be I am too open due to all the medical hurdles and the blog world.  I really don't have any problems of telling people we have issues.  The last time I went to lunch with friends from my old job, one of them asked if I wanted a 2nd child and when, and I told her we are struggling and it takes more than just trying for us and another friend was looking at me in horror for saying it.    We all know how babies get here, sheeesheee.

5.  While on the subject, when I went to see my regular OB after the D &C; C he had a medical student in training and he asked if it is ok for her to sit in, I said fine.  So after he checked down there for 30 second which by the way he charged $275 for he asked me to dress up and meet him in his office.  So just trying to get my money's worth I asked a few questions and I mentioned about the endometriosis and that what my options were down the line.  He said "we can fix that when the time comes".  I was like what do you mean by fix and of course he said hysterectomy as if it is not a big deal.  And then he recommended the same IVF doctor that he send me for my first surgery.   I had to remind myself right there that he is just a baby catcher and I shouldn't expect more.  I told him there is a reason why I am going to another state for that and reminded him I had my 2nd surgery out of state for a reason.  The medical student was just sitting and listening.    He then proceeded to tell me I had 3 good years of fertility considering my age.  I get so irritated for the one fits all mentality standard doctors prescribe.   While we are on the age subject and fertility, we were discussing the women in my family and menopause with my siblings.  My mom said her period disappeared before she was 45.   One of my sister who is in her late 40s said it is been at least a year since she had her cycle, and my oldest sister said hers come once in a while, ever three or four month and mostly very light.   My aunt also said hers stopped around 45.  So it is not looking too good for me.   My periods have progressively gotten light and that is not very encouraging.   

6.  I am approaching ovulation and I am hesitant to TTC even though my Napro Doc said to start. DH also wants to continue trying.  I was going to wait until the ultrasound  to measure the thickness of the uterus lining just to make sure that it is not an issue.  God knows I can't handle another miscarriage if that is the problem.   Why is it so hard to hold off TTC? 

7.  Us you can see I am not in the best of moods.  I have a headache and I don't know why,  my pain level creep up the last few days, could be due to ovulation approaching.   After 4 years of gluten free, I finally brock down and ate gluten intentional.  My mom had some fried dough a friend sent her from home, it reminded me of my childhood and I have been wanting to try if I am still going to respond to gluten.  So I ate the darn thing and it was so good.  I didn't have any pain the day after as usual so I figured I can eat it again so I ate it twice after that.  The last few days I have had a spastic colon and pain down there.  It is not as bad as it was but if I keep eating I know I would get there.  So hands off the fried dough.   It is in my pantry and I am resisting it.

8. This blog post is getting too long. On a positive note I just wanted to mention that after a month of walking and the endometriosis not being fully back yet I am feeling less bloated and I also lost 4 lb.  I can actually suck in my mid section without pain.  So I am thankful for that and wishing for an active winter.  Thanks for listening if you made it this far :).  

So Thankful

I had an appointment with my N.apro Doctor to go over the cycle long hormonal profile.   We had agreed to do the tests without any meds so we could see what my body was capable of.   As you know I got pregnant that cycle and lost the baby at 6 wks.  

Since I have quit driving long distance I drag my husband to these appointments.  He is such a blessing in my life.  He is happy to make the drive so I can get the proper treatment.  However recently when an appointment approaches I ask myself if it is worth making the trip and weather I should stop traveling so far away.  2h might not be much for some but the furthest I drive recently is 20 min due to the Endometriosis pain and constant anxiety.  

I tell you, seeing my Dr. is worth it.  After these appointments I am so hopeful and also so thankful that I get to see a Dr. who cares and is willing to hear my questions and does not try to kick me out after 5 min visit.

My appointment was in the morning so we had to get up early.  We woke up MH and take her down to the living room so that my Mom could take care of her.  It was rainy when we left.   

So both progesterone and estradiol levels look good.  They were low when I initially got tested back in 2010.   I told the Dr. that my periods have progressively gotten lighter and that I was worried that my lining might not be good to support a pregnancy so I am going to do an ultrasound to measure the thickness of the lining and go from here.   If the lining is compromised I will start on vaginally estradiol.   I will also start taking DHEA as per the Drs suggestions since she said it helps with egg quality in older women.    I will be seeing her after 3 month, if no pregnancy then we will consider HCG shots.  So right now I am on the following meds

1. LDN
2. Progesterone post peak
3. Estradiol post peak
4. HC
5. Vitamin D
6. Prenatal vitamins
7. DHEA

I left the appointment feeling so hopeful.  I will also be seeing my regular Doctor to go over some lab work and see if I need to up my thyroid meds.    I am so thankful for my wonderful doctors.

Recurring team

I am on cd 25 (p+11).  I have been cramping for the last 4 days, started it off light and not as bad as the last cycle.  I am also slightly nauseated. 

I started spotting on p+10, very light so yes there is a possibility that I may be pregnant.   I can't risk it and wait to test until I miss my period so I have to test before stopping the progesterone on p13.  The only thing that is encouraging is the spotting which is very light and not bright red.   Then again I my period's have progressively been light.   The cycle after my D & C the cramps were so bad and I was waiting for a flood.  When AF arrived after a whole week of painful cramps it lasted a day with only light bleeding.

The last few days when MH naps I get in my bed and watch the D.uggar's on my Ipad.   I don't think it is wise to watch while in the 2WW.  I starting tearing about a sill thing one of the youngest child did :).  I have been crying about random stuff too.  I don't think any one who is struggling to conceive should watch this show.  Special the episode where M.i.chelle announced she is pregnant with 19th.  It goes something like, oh I am breastfeeding bla bla and I had a feeling I am pregnant so I tested :). 

MH and I have been enjoying our daily walk.  Fall is my favorite season, I just don't like what it brings.   

................

After I posted this blog I started cooking lunch and I can barely stand because the cramps have intensified followed by bright red bleeding.  AF is here at p11, just wonderful.  I give up.

Focused on Healing

Since my miscarriage I have been focused on healing and overall health.   I am doing fine pain wise, it hasn't come back with the same intensity.   However, my hormones are all over the place as usual.  I don't think at this point my doctors can do much for me.   I am on T3 and HC and it makes a big difference.  My Thyroid hormone levels are within normal and I am due for a recheck next month.  I have stopped taking vitamins with the exception of prenatal.    I think taking all those vitamins were making me more ill and when I stopped I felt better. 

There is nothing I can do about the Endometriosis.   The fact that when I am pregnant that most of my pain disappears says it all.  Pregnancy= no pain and hormonal stability for me.   I had two surgeries, and even though I felt better after both, I still had pain shortly after the surgeries which suggests the Endo is aggressive.  I don't think the answer for me is another surgery right now, it may change later on but for now I have to heal as much as possible with out any invasive procedures.    If you have chronic pain and inflammation healing the adrenals is an uphill battle but I confess I haven't been doing enough to help the situation. 

My diet is ok as far as cutting out most things that don't help the adrenals.   I don't drink soda or any fruit juice and I don't miss it much.  I avoid gluten and I don't try to substitute with gluten free products which most are processed.  We hardly consume any processed food, I cook from scratch most of the time.  Where I need improvement is increasing my protein intake and including more vegetables.  Usually breakfast is 2 eggs with some cheese and a cup of tea.  Sometimes I have a piece of fruit.  After the 2 eggs I am full and don't want anything else.  I have ready a few blogs on healing the adrenals that suggest to eat 50 g of protein in the morning.  That is a lot.  I figure the 2 eggs with cheese is about 20 g.  I have tried to add avocado with my eggs.  I do feel better when I have more protein in the morning.  Now that the cooler temps has arrived I have been making soups loaded with protein and veggies and just a small cup of soup for a snack or with a meal makes a huge difference.   I have already seen some improvement in my energy level.  I don't crash as much in the afternoon. 

Since my pain level is low I am able to do more physically.  Right now I am keeping it light with a daily walks  for 30 min.  Anything more will be too harsh and I would crash. 

Sleep wise I used to get at least 8 hours  but I slept past midnight and would sleep in until 9am or so.  I have been trying to be in bed by 10:30 pm on most weeknights.   MH sleeps in late, we usually wake up after 9 am so if I sleep by 11pm I am sleeping at least 10 hours.  That is a lot.   I wake up when DH gets up in the morning and fall back asleep.  I figured if I fall back asleep then my body needs the 10 hours of sleep.  

I try not to overwhelm myself with many changes because I know I am inclined to fail when I try  to implement too many things at once.  So this winter is all about food and sleep.  I am trying to catch up in reading and keeping myself current for my career.     But I don't pressure myself much when I don't accomplish all I want.