Therapy

So I finally started seeing a counselor to get some help with my Anxiety issues. I had contacted her prior to finding out about the Pregnancy and my main focus was for her to help me with dealing with chronic pain and also emotional issues.

Since finding out I was pregnant the hormonal high and lows are gone but I still don't feel right sometimes. There is multiple issues at hand, being anxious for no reason, sometimes mild depression, unable to concentrate and being tired almost all the time. The tiredness was a lot better when I was on HC, I actually felt a lot better than I have felt in years. It has been more than a month since I stopped HC and all the symptoms seem to be coming back and I guess being Pregnant doesn't help the situation either. I also have light numbing headache and I am afraid that my migraines might come back.

So far I have seen the Dr. twice and I don't know if anything would come out of this but I guess time will tell.

Having lived with chronic pain and just not feeling well for years I am emotionally exhausted and although my body is a lot better as far as pain and endo my mind has not caught up. I still feel anxious in social situations or anticipating being at one place for longer than my body could take. I am afraid to try new things, don't go out much unless with family, and play it safe all the time. After a full day of work I have no energy to do anything else but sit for an hour or so before I start dinner.

The one mistake I have made at the time of intense pain is not quiting my job and allow for some healing. I pushed and pushed and would literally sit in meetings at work or at my desk and would not be able to concentrate because I was in so much pain. Pain accompanied with fatigue is hard on any body.

In addition to all the issue I also have digestive issues where I can't absorber the necessary vitamins I need because of years of eating gluten and I guess my gut is damaged. My stomach has slowly been healing and the vitamins I am taking are helping but I am not there yet. After months of being on vitamins I am still low on B vitamins, vitamin D and a few others.

All this situation contribute to your mental state and little stress makes me over react. Hopefully this is a step in the right direction and I would learn how to copy.

Please don't get me wrong, I am not complaining of being pregnant. Its the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and it still has not sunk in fully. I just wish I was in a better health for it and trying to do my best to heal.

OB Selection

I finally made an appointment with my old OB but feel a little uncomfortable. There is a clinic with five OBs a mile away from my job I was considering but I didn't want to go there because I would have to explain what treatment I am on, weather they agree with it and so on to five different Drs. Plus I was told that the staff was not too nice so I wanted to search for another one.

Before going to a fertility Dr. I was going to another OB who I liked and had also delivered my sisters kids. When I was in pain from Endo which he suspected I had he sent me to a fertility Dr. who did my first surgery. He wasn't able to free up my ovary that was stuck to my side of the pelvic. After my surgery my pain became continues. His solution was to do Lup.ron and then IVF which I nicely declined. I do not want to go back to the fertility Dr. Any how I feel weird going to my OB that I used to go to because he is the one who referred me. So I finally gave in made the appointment with my previous OB. I will be going on Thursday. If things don't work out I can always change.

Infertility and Endo has made me way too picky about Drs. But you have to be I guess. It took me 15 years to figure out that I had Endo and a good 3 years for my thyroid to be diagnosed properly. So if I didn't push for a better Dr. the last couple of years I wouldn't be here.

I also don't know how I feel about unmedicated birth. When I asked my husband that I should look in to it he was kind of shocked. I don't know if I have it in me to do this but something to think about.

PG Update

I had my progesterone test on Tuesday and just got the call from Dr. S. office. It is at 15, so much improved from the initial 10.5. I am suppose to stay with both the suppository and the injection and measure every two weeks.

I am terrified of the possibility of bleeding that as soon as I get home from work I am flat on my bed. At the end of the day yesterday I had such a bad lower back pain that I was beginning to panic. I have had worst Endo pains and can tolerate this but it just scared the hell out of me so again spent the time laying on my bed. When I got up this morning the pain is still there so I decided to call in sick. Just can't risk it at this point and will do anything to keep this baby cooking.

I still haven't called an OBGYN but have a clinic in mind that is close by work.

I have been getting up at 4 am since we found out we were PG and takes me a long time before I fall back asleep and by then it it time to get up for work. So I guess this is also contributing to the fatigue.

No morning sickness at all, at times some minimal nausea after I eat lunch/dinner but nothing to even worry about so praying that this keeps up.

First Trimester Worries

This past week I was pretty comfortable and didn't have any bleeding except for when I wipe I see a hint of blood. I actually planned to exercise starting today, just walks and stretches. Prior to the Pregnancy walking more than 10-15 min was painful because of the Endo pain so I actually wanted to test my self and see if I can do more.

I was sitting in a conference call meeting at work yesterday with my boss and all of a sudden I felt wetness down there. I was already feeling a little off with a headache and generally not feeling well. So a few minutes before the meeting ended I packed my computer and ran out to get my purse and head home. I didn't even want to go to the restroom because I knew that it was going through my pants.

So I get home and my underwear and pants are socked with blood and I saw a big clot (a little bigger than a finger-sorry TMI). Luckily DH was at home so we headed to the emergency room. Beside the headache and dizziness I had very faint cramps.

We spent 4 hours at the hospital, they tested for beta and also had a vaginal ultrasound. By the time I got to the hospital the bleeding was very little and it gradually stopped. All seem to be fine, we actually saw the heartbeat and it was the coolest thing. But now I am terrified. This bleeding came from no where with no warning.

I was told to stay off my feet for the weekend.

DH just got me GF Steak & Cheese, it was so yummy. The hunger and craving are kicking in.

Meds & update

So I called Dr. St.g. office the other day to ask if taking HC was ok during Pregnancy. I knew the answer since Sew mentioned it in a previous post. For some reason I had gotten lazy about taking it regular during xmas break since I walk up late and eat at odd times. Even when I went back to work I had stopped taking it for a good week before I found out I was PG.

HC has saved me the last 3 month I was on it. My energy level was back, migranes gone, my mood was improved some and waking up in the morning was not as painful. So how am I going to give up my best friend for the next eight month of pregnancy? I hope that my adrenals have improved enough that I don't go back to pre HC days. I have an appointment with my thyroid Dr. next week and will ask her she thinks.

Ever morning I get up I thank god for this pregnancy. It still hasn't sunk in and will not sink in until I am visible pregnant I guess.

For those who would like to know what meds I was on prior to this pregnancy here it is
Slow release T.3
HC
LDN
Progesterone & Estradiol post ovulation
Vitamin D3
Vitamin B-complex
B12
Selenium

I have been on this meds 3-4 month before conceving.

I had taken 2 weeks off back around xmas time to just relax and spend time with my hubby. I vowed that TTC will not be getting in the way of me enjoying my vacation so i was not paying attention much except do the deed twice during fertile CM. I had only four days of ferily CM and it was not great either so I figured that the cycle was a bust and didn't care.

In thinking ahead I had also e-mailed Dr. T.oth with my health history and planned to see him some time in March. Since I get CM through out my cycle I was thinking of the possiblity of infection. I did get an e-mail from his office saying that we can call in for a consultation. I saw a few negative reviews for him so I wanted to wait and read a little more. I didn't even tell my DH about it.

Then this Pregnancy happened unexpected. The funny thing is I had only one cycle where my luteal phase was a full 14 days with no spotting prior to conceiving. So the progesterone and estradiol played a huge part in correcting my luteal phase.

I have no morning sickness, I get a little nauscated after I eat lunch and dinner but nothing to worry about. Hope this keeps up.

I am 6 wks PG today.

Praying for all of you who are waiting for your BFP.