Update

1.      It’s been a while since I blogged. I have no excuse. Happy New Year to everyone. We had a lovely Christmas and New Year. DH was on vacation for more than 3 wks and he will be back to work end of this wk. It has been really nice having him home. My Mom went home and should be back once DH starts working. We celebrated the 1st Christmas at DH's cousin's house; this has been the tradition for the last 5 years. We also celebrated the orthodox Christmas, also at another Cousin of DH. I hosted my family on New Year day. It has been a stress free holiday season.

 

2.      I haven't made any New Year’s resolution because I hate making them and not following through. Reflecting back on 2012 a lot had taken place in our household with the biggest being purchasing a house and I becoming a SHAM. For 2013 I strive to be a better mother and wife.

 

3. I have never been to Ch.u.ck e Che.ese before until yesterday. DH and I didn't even think of it much when we got the invitation. We get to the place at 4 pm, ohhh boy. As soon as we walked in the smell hit us. It was suffocating. I was tempted to grab my child and run out. I didn't grow up in the US so I had no idea what the place was like. I thought it is a place where you have pizza, cut cake and sing happy b. day and call it a day. I was in for the shocker. The place had a zillion kids running around like crazy. To top it off this was for a 2 year old. Definitely not a place for a 2 year old party. MH is at a point that she doesn't want to be held and want to run around. So DH was chasing her constantly so that she doesn't start rolling on the filthy carpet. The place was loud, way over crowded and dirty to say the least. The game area was crazy, kids high on sugar running around from one game to the next. How do people with multiple kids keep an eye on their kids? I have been watching MH today, she has some snot but no temperature so it is looking good. I wouldn't be surprised if we come down with the flu/cold. There will not be any Ch.uck.e Che.ese outing ever for us.

4. MH is teething constantly, she has about 6 teeth coming out, it doesn't seem to bother her much except for having her hand in her mouth and drooling. What we are having issues with food. She is a picky eater. When I started her with food at 6 month, she started with avocado, banana, and green peas. She didn't eat much of it but at least tried. I also incorporated chicken later on which she didn't really like much but managed to take at least half a cup of purred chicken with vegetables. A few month ago she said no to the chicken and everything else except fruits, eggs, oatmeal. She eats oatmeal with banana/apple in the morning, yogurt with some fruit for lunch, eggs for dinner. I am trying to give her time and not force it but I am running out of options. She refuses to touch any vegetables. What am I doing wrong?


5. On TTC front AF finally showed up after 40 days and I started the meds I was on pre-pregnancy. I am taking HC, progesterone and estradiol post peak. Surprisingly once I stopped the progesterone pre-peak I felt better. My anxiety was less and I walk up refreshed in the morning. I don't get it. It made me feel better when I started it and the whole point of being on it for the last 12 months. I had to go back on it post peak so I don't know if the effect is real. We have started to TTC. Today is P + 9, as usual I have lower back pain and some fatigue. Of course my mind went to thinking pregnancy symptoms. I know, I know, I had to laugh at myself. We will see what the next few cycle looks like. My issue pre-pregnancy was spotting early. I haven't had that post-partum but I wasn't ovulating regularly so it is hard to tell.

6. When I quit my job I made a promise to myself that I will not be buying cloth for a year. Part of it is an effort to minimize pressure on our budget and part of it is that I have cloth that I bought pre-pregnancy that no longer fit. I have about 7lb to lose and it hasn't gone anywhere. I have been very good with the promise with the exception of buying a pair of socks. The other day the handle on my purse broke, I have been holding the same black purse for the last year. Before MH I usually hold smaller purses and once she arrived I starting holding a bigger purse and every time I try to change to my other purses I keep thinking it is not enough space. DH threatens to go out and buy me a purse but I have at least 3-4 smaller bags that I can use.

 

Space

The first few weeks after moving to our new place I was in pain. In pain due to the physical work involved with moving but also due to the fact we now have stairs which my legs were not used to climbing on regular bases. Although I like our new house at the I missed the simplicity of our beloved apartment.

DH and I lived together before getting married.  Not a smart move but that is another post.

The first place I called my own besides college housing was shared with my sister. It was a big apartment; we both had our own bedrooms. When my sister wanted to move out (I was dating DH at the time) we decided to move in together. He was in school at the time and I also wanted to save money so we moved into an efficiency. I know, we were crazy. The place was small and there was nowhere to hide when we fought :). We had a mattress, computer table and a chair. On weekends we went out to a local cafe that had nice tables and sofas and that was our living room. We spent many hours there doing school work and reading.

We moved in to a one bedroom apartment after a year. I thought we had so much space, we had a dining room, living room and a little kitchen. I loved the space, it was big enough for the two of us. After we got married we moved to another apartment closer to my job and it was a two bedroom and much bigger. I loved it, and I dreamt of having a baby at this place. We told ourselves this would be the last place we will rent. Then came tinny MH. She didn't take up much space but her stuffy took over the apartment :).  

A week after we moved to our new house we went to clean the apartment before handing the key and it fealt so small :). I am sure our new place will look small in a few years but for now it is big for me in some senses. See we only had a love seat in front of the TV in our apt and both DH and I sat there ever night. I just miss the small, cozy personal space we had. 

Napro Dr. Visit

Last week I had my first postpartum Napro Dr. appointment. Since Dr. S is no longer there I saw Dr. D. in the same office. The routine was the same, drove 2+ hours early morning with my husband and waited for 1h to see the Dr. but I guess that is how the office operates. My aim for the appointment was to get suggestion on how I can get off the progesterone pre peak so that I can ovulate normally again and also deal with the anxiety. Right now I am taking progesterone from day 3 until the first day of cycle. I have had irregular cycles for over six months and it is obvious I am not ovulating every cycle.

I was a little disappointed that the Dr. did not review my chart prior to the appointment because she kept asking me what medicine I was on pre-pregancy. Anyhow the major issue is my Anxiety and coming off the progesterone without another solution is not practial for me. I was on LDN, HC, post peak progesterone and estradiol prepregancy. So we discussed the options.  So for now I am going to start the HC and post peak-progesterone and estradiol.  She suggested B.us.par for anxiety but decided only to add  it if I need it.  I am hoping that the HC will help and if I don't feel better I will consider B.us.par.  It is suppose to be safe for pregnancy just in case I do conceive but I do not want to be on it for the obvious reasons.  In addition it is not a medicine prescribed for long term from what I read.  

So the plan is for me to go back to her with two month chart and then we will go from there.  

If anyone reading has experience with B.us.par please share. Thanks.

Balancing marriage and family

I wrote this a week ago and my computer crashed before I could post it.

My oldest sister usually hosts Thanksgiving.  Since all my siblings live in the area and see each other pretty often it is just another day of family gathering.  My sister went back to work after 10 years at home and she is tired busy so I volunteered to host.   I spent Wednesday cooking.  I don't like turkey much and have never made it before so I stuck to E.t.hio.pian dishes.    As usually I was in pain by the end of it but kept taking pain killers so it wasn't too bad.   It was a small gathering with just my sister and her family, my uncle and my parents.  Food turned out great and we had a good time.    I am grateful for the fact that my family are close by and for all the opportunities this country has to offer.   I think the US is the best place to live for any immigrant.

Anyhow as I said most of my siblings are here and I have a lot of extended family.  DH's immediate family are back home and although he does have some distant relatives here they are not as close since they only know one another as adults.   In addition growing up DH family were isolated from most of his extended family.  

Most of the visitors to our home are my family.   I live 20 min from my parents and sister's house so there is at least 2-3 times a week someone will pop in especially since my mom spends the weekdays with us.    I think this has gotten a little overwhelming for my DH.  Since we had MH everyone wants to come visit and I love it but I can see how it can be overwhelming.     In addition, I think some of us in the family still operate as if we don't have a family of ours.   Decisions sometimes are made without involving spouses.   I grew up in an environment where it was close to impossible to be alone.  We are a big family but we also had neighbors and extended family visit a lot so for me it actually feels lonely when I don't have people around.  I remember when I was a child I would sit in our backyard just to get some alone time.  I am trying to be understanding to DH's needs and focus more on just the three of us.    DH loves my family and I think all he needs is for my number one priority to be my marriage and kid and then my family.   Usually I don't separate the two.

Wonky Cycles & TTC

Oh how I hate talking about cycles.  It makes me tired :.   I breastfeed/pumped for 6 months.  My cycle returned 3 wk after birth, so much for the break I was hoping for.  Anyhow after birth my cycles were regular with no spotting.  I was excited because I though the possibility of getting pregnant without going through treatment.    At the time I didn't chart or use OPK but I had thought I was ovulating normally.   After I stopped breastfeeding and started taking the progesterone my cycle have been all over the place.   At first I had a couple of long cycles, 37 day. The last three month I had a 37, 23 and 16 day cycles.   So weird.  So I finally went out and got an OPK.  This cycle seemed to be "normal" so I thought but it lasted 25 days.   I had the usual hormonal ups and downs.  OPK was positive on day 12.  I had limited CM but it was there.  I actually thought the possibility of pregnancy for a couple of days.  My boobs were very sore, I felt some nausea but like always it is one of those bad periods.    Every time I get the disappointment of CD1  all I have to do is look at my daughter and I feel at ease. I remember praying for a pregnancy and asking for GOD for just one child.  Now I am asking for a 2nd and I am sometimes ashamed.   I should be happy with what I have and be OK.  But it takes me time to get to that level emotionally. I want MH to have siblings but if that is not in the card for us then I want to be OK with it without the emotional turmoil.    Do I make sense?

I went to my Dr. a few weeks ago.  I had stopped taking all the supplements because I was feeling blaaa, I actually felt better so may be one of the supplement is not agreeing with me or my body needed a break.   So I didn't do the lab she ordered.  It most likely would look like the last one so didn't see the point.  I wanted a follow up with her to see what else I can do about the pain, anxiety and headaches.   After hearing me out she went back to telling me to try C.y.mbalta.  She said it might work for the pain in turn will help the anxiety    She forgot she had prescribed it 2 years ago;  I took it for a few days and felt like I was dying, not only did it make my anxiety worse it made me feel weird and not myself.   I think she has done all she could for me.

Any how I will be seeing the Napro Dr in December and do some lab work.  I haven't taken LDN since before pregnancy, may be going back on it will help the anxiety.    Since Dr. S in PA retired I am going to a Dr. in the same practice.  I haven't met her and she doesn't know my health history.  I feel like I am starting over and it will take a while.  May be I will give them a call and get some blood work done before I go up there.  Anyone who was Dr. S.tegman patient but seeing the Dr. in the same practice please let me know of your experience.

This and That

1. Old news but we survived hurricane Sandy. We were lucky, no power outage and no major wind gust as expected.    We live in a town-home and we have two trees in our backyard.  One of the trees is in our neighbor’s side but it is a huge tree.  It is a beautiful tree that I have admired from our bedroom window.  It is so nice to wake up in the morning and watch the colorful three.  Then came Sandy and I was terrified.  That night I opened the blinds and saw the tree dancing in the wind, and just imagined it falling on our bedroom.   So we slept in the basement the night of the storm.  Sandy took all the leaves off the trees.  I really like fall with all the color changes and the breezy air but I hate what it brings.   I hate winter, not so much the cold but the darkness.  It makes me depressed and now the time change has messed me up.    

Any how here is the tree, glad it is still standing but looking pitiful.   

  

2. I am so glad the election will be over soon.  I have avoided watching the news coverage as much as I could over the last few weeks.  I just don't enjoy all the drama, it is tiring and not very usefully.   I became a US citizen over 10 years ago.  This will be my third time voting and I am happy I am able to participate.   Voting is a joke in my home country, the last prime minster who just passed away was in power for the last 20 plus years.  So much for democracy.  

3.  My new hobby is reading up on DIY projects and home decorations.   I am in the process of making the basement a cozy space as well as creating a play space for MH on one side.  It is a finished basement and carpeted but it is cold.   I have been looking for a large wool area rug and also heavy curtains that will keep out the draft. I have a small budget for it so it has been challenging but will get done eventually.   

4. Staying at home has been a blessing.  I had lunch with my old coworkers a few weeks ago. It brought back what I miss and a lot of what I didn't miss.  Then just went through another reorganization and a lot of politics.  Listening to my co-workers complain makes me feel like I never left the place so I have been trying to have less conversations involving the situation.  I am still mad at what took place before I left so the less I hear about the place the better.  

5. Besides the people the only thing I miss about working is the money.  I never use to look at prices at the grocery store when I was working.   Now I actually am a lot aware of the cost of food.  We use to shop at an organic market for almost all food.  Not any more.  When I had the money I didn't have the time to spend it :).  Now that we have a home which needs stuff the money is not there.  I took a detailed look at our monthly budget and realized there is no way we can save much money on only DH's salary.  We have enough saved that we don't have to worry about it for now.  I really don't want to think about this now, I just want to enjoy my time with MH.  A friend of mine was working one day/week after she had her second child but after 10 month her hubby is nervous that they are not saving money so she went back to work full time last week.   She has two kids 11 month apart so it is going to be hard managing with work and kids. 

6.  Not much else to say.  Will be buying a laptop over the thanksgiving weekend, hopefully that will result in more blog posts. 

MH's Picture Post

MH turned one in September.  Yes Yes, way overdue for a picture post.  I am not comfortable posting a picture of her on line since I don't post my pictures.   I will post some here for those who read my blog and take them down in a few weeks.

MH is doing great, she took a few steps on her birthday and have been walking ever since.    It was stressful to see her fall down repeatedly on hardwood floor trying to keep her balance for a week or so until she was comfortable.    We tried to keep her down in the basement but she doesn't like the basement much.

We had a big party for her 2 days after her birthday.  On her birthday as you can see below I baked a loaf of chocolate chip bread (yes came out of a box).  I am sure she will complain when she sees what she got for her first birthday.