Stressing a Little

I have been kind of guarded sharing much recently. I had the first trimester triple screening on my 12 weeks and last week my OB called and told me that we have a 1% chance of having a baby with Try.somy 18. I didn't know how to react to such news. I know it is only a 1% chance but it is still a possibility.

The OB suggested that we go for an Amnio test. Prior to this news DH and I have talked about this that even if there is a chance that there is something wrong with the baby that we will not of course make a decision to end it so why bother doing the amnio test and risk miscarriage. My OB of course scared the hell out of me. Most babies with Try.somy 18 either are stillborn or die within a few days after birth. So of course his first advice is to go for Amnio and if positive to have an abortion.

I struggled for a week with the news before I called the specialist my OB referred. The first thing they will do is have a consultation and do an ultrasound. The ultrasound should be able to show physical abnormalities caused by Try.somy 18 but it is not conclusive. Before making a decision I am going to wait until I have the ultrasound. If the ultrasound shows some abnormalities the only benefit to doing the amnio is to verify the result and we will be better prepared to handle it.
I had decided that I would tell my boss at 13/14 weeks but now I am having second thoughts. I ware scarves to hide my small bump but I have seen a few people looking and wondering.
Morning nausea is picking up, I thought it would gradually go away by second trimester but I have thrown up a few times in the morning this week but it usually goes away after breakfast.
The ultrasound appointment is not until 2nd week of April and the wait is killing me. For now I am going to assume that I am caring a healthy baby. It is so hard to enjoy the pregnancy with such news hangs over my head. Please pray that all is good. Thanks.

Feeling Good

I am telling you, if God allows it I want to be pregnant every year. I may be speaking too soon but this pregnancy has done wonders for my health. It is an understatement what Endo had done to my health. I have no migraine headaches, no Endo pain except minimal lower back pain most likely due to posture issues because of Endo. My mood is so much better, no more of the hormonal up and down hell. No more of the intense panic attacks.

I have underestimated how much the Endo had control of my life. I knew that the hormonal issues did contribute to the anxiety and over all well being. But boy do I feel so much better. Over the last couple of weeks my anxiety level has gone down significantly. When I have a physically and mentally challenging day at work with multiple deadlines and all day meetings I use to wake up multiple times during the night and break down in tears before I go to work. This pregnancy has given me some break. I have actually given a couple of presentations the last couple of day with minimally panic moments. Obviously it takes some time to recover mentally even if the physical aspect of it has been taken care of.

Therapy is going ok but I don't think it is helping me much. My therapist is a very kind and gentle woman but I feel like I haven't learnt much over the few secessions we have had. I will keep it going and see how it goes. I still have a long way to go on how to manage physical and emotional stress.

On the pregnancy side I am still experiencing some brown spotting at times which is scary but I had given it to God. There is nothing I am going to bring from being over worried about it. The Progesterone shots are going fine but my butt is numb and sometimes it is really painful. I have gained 5 lb so far and I have only 2 work pants that fit and most likely will not fit me after 2 weeks or so. I went shopping for maternity pants today and it felt really weird. Two month ago I would never have thought I would be in such a store. At the store they tried to get my address and I refused to give it. I am not ready to be flooded with baby advertisements, diaper samples etc. just yet.

Progestrone Over Dose-Help Please

So since week 4 of pregnancy I have been doing progesterone shots and also vaginal capsules. Dr. S.tegman was out of the office at the time and I was assigned to a different Dr. From the instructions of my injections I thought I was suppose to be on both the progesterone capsules and also the inject twice a week.

A couple of days ago I realized that I didn't have a refill for the capsules so the pharmacist said she will call the Dr. office for a refill which two days later I get "the Dr. is not responding to our calls".

Today the nurse from Drs office called me to tell me the progesterone numbers from the recent test. It is at 21.1 ng/mL still in Zone 1 and I was told to continue with the injection. So I proceed to tell her that I needed a refill for the capsules and if she can go ahead and call the pharmacy. She was like "honey you are not suppose to be on the capsules only the injections". So for the last eight weeks I have been sticking 400 mgs of progesterone up you know where and I shouldn't have been. So if I am on so much of this stuff why are my numbers still low? What is the side effect of being on so much of this stuff, I am all worried on how this may affect the baby.

Any one reading has been on high dose of Progestrone? I was doing 400 mgs of capsule and 200 mg of injection twice a week.

Busy Bee

I can't believe its been two weeks since my last blog. Wow, time flies when you are busy. I have been reading blogs but had no time to comment, sorry.
The last few weeks have been busy especially this past week with back to back meetings and an additional project that was added to my already full plate. Oh well, I hate having too many meetings, when do you get to do the actual work? I have also been putting at least half a day on weekends working from home.

On the pregnancy front things were going well, the hint of blood that is always there cleared up for two weeks so I was getting comfortable. However, it returned this week and scared the hell out of me. It comes accompanied with some mild cramps and I start tensing up and preparing for the worst. It is so hard to just enjoy being pregnant when bleeding is involved. I only see it when I wipe but enough to put me in a panic.

I am also starting to show, I have noticed a few people glancing at my belly at work even though I try to wear layers to cover it up. I am one of those skin people with a little pouch to start with and add 10 wks pregnant and it sticks out like a sore thumb especially in the afternoon after I eat my lunch. During my gluten days before I gave it up I had put on 15 lb and most of it around my stomach and people thought I was pregnant. They probably think that I am just gaining the weight back.

I haven't thrown up not even once but the nausea has been a little intense this week so ginger tea is my best friend for now. For a while all I was craving was baked potato with lots of cheese. Normally I don't eat that much cheese so I thought that was weird.

This whole experience is so surreal and sometimes I have to pinch my self that this is actually happening.