Another miscarriage

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas.    Besides the obvious disappointment we had a lovely Christmas spent with family.

I tested on P + 14 which was last Friday and it was positive to my surprise.    I had a blood draw the same day and HCG was at 43 and progesterone was 5.5. 

I was excited and nervous for a day and once I heard the numbers I pretty much knew how this was going to end.   I got on progesterone immediately and I was suppose to do a repeat test after a week.

The day before Christmas I walk up in the morning and realize I didn't wake up in the middle of the night to pee.  For the last 4 days I was waking up to pee but couldn't go back to sleep.

On Christmas morning I woke up to cramping followed by spotting which ended in light flaw for two days and felt just like a period.   The cramps were intense when it started so I rested on my sofa for the morning.   We had planned to go to DH's cousin's house for Christmas  lunch/dinner.   I knew this was over since  the bleeding was accompanied with a lot of cramping.   I took T.ylenol and rested for a few hours and  decided to attend the party.   We showed up a couple of hours late and had a wonderful time.  

I called the Dr's office the next day and had an HCG done.   The called me this morning and the number is 2. 

This sounds like a chemical pregnancy.   Pre Armour days I would be in such a despair emotionally. 
 I am much calmer and rational this time around and it happened so fast.   It seem like the last two cycles I probably was pregnant but early losses since I had all the pregnancy symptoms but followed by a AF.  

I will hear from the Dr. on Monday regarding the ultrasound I took at P + 7 to measure my endometrial lining and we will go from there.  

We are going to hold off TTC for the next cycle and we will see what the Dr. says.

Have a Happy New Year

A glimpse from my past

I was in my last year of high school when I met him.   I had little in common with my peers from high school since I just moved to the country a few years back.   So I made friends with people outside my school, mostly immigrants like myself.  He was a friend of my friends boyfriend.  He was a first year art student in college.  He was corky and had a beautiful smile but was short and not particularly attractive but I liked corky and the artsy type. 

The boy and I hit it off and started spending time together.    I had taken a swimming class in my school and by the end of the final class I was the only one who haven't learned to swim.  I was still hanging on to the floating device for my life.   The boy said he liked swimming and so I figured this would be my opportunity to learn.   So he said he will be happy to teach me so on a  Saturday we planned to meet at a swim center closer to his neighborhood.  

I probably told my parents I was going to study at a friends house :).

I remember it was a sunny day, I took the tube to the city and I waited outside of the swim center for him.  Once he got there we exchanged kisses and entered the center.   I remember him going to the desk to pay for our tickets and him handing me a ticket and I was off to the ladies changing room.  

I had a pink and black swimming costume which showed off my slim figure, I barely weighted 95 lb at the time.   I liked my body but hated my ankles.  I have the skinniest ankles ever (To this day I only wear long dresses/skirts)    I slowly walked out to the swimming pool and looked around and he was not there.  I remember thinking may be he went to the toilet and waited.   A minute, 5 min, 10 min passed by and the boy was no where to be found.  After waiting for about 20 min I went back to the dressing room, got dressed and went to the front desk. 

Have you seen a short guy with curly hair, the guy that came in with me?

Casher: Oh, he was kicked out for entering the swimming pool without paying

I was so humiliated and so angry.  I thanked the lady and quickly walked out.  Apparently he only paid for my ticket. I figured he would be waiting outside the swimming pool but I am sure they wanted him to disappear from the area.  I remember I was so angry and hurt by what he did.  Why wouldn't he just say he didn't have money to pay for my ticket.   I walked back to the tube and called a friend who lived in the city.  I needed to talk to somebody, so I went to her house and spent the afternoon there.

When I got home the friend that introduced us called me and said he called her and told her what happened.  He tried to call me a few times but I was so angry that I didn't want to talk to him.

After a few weeks my friend arranged for us to see each other.  He apologized and we got back together.    After a few months I moved to the States and we lost touch.

I wonder where he is, and what he is doing now 20 something years later? 

And yes I still don't know how to swim :(

Update

1.  I hosted thanksgiving, pretty similar as last year.  My parents and one of my sister and brother family came.   It was small gathering and nice.  As I have said before all my siblings and most extended family live around here and we see each other a lot.   I made most of the meat dishes and my mom took care of the veggies.   We mainly cooked E.th.iopian dishes so no turkey.   But I have decided that starting next year I will be give Turkey a go, my nieces and nephew where disappointed that there was no turkey on the table.  I was just too lazy this year so I kept it safe.  

2. I think I am loving desiccated thyroid med.   Usually evenings are rough for me.  I am usually mentally exhausted after 7 pm.  But I have noticed that after starting the desiccated thyroid I am feeling better.  I have also noticed that my anxiety has lessened a bit.   So that is a plus.  However, I have noticed that if I take both the T3 and desiccated thyroid in the morning I end up with a huge headache by mid day so I am taking the desiccated thyroid in the morning and the slow release T3 by lunch time .  That seem to work better.   We shall see.  But I am just so excited to see improvement.

3. Although MH is 2 years old we have delayed some of her vaccination.  I know this is controversial and I am not going to discuss in to why we chose to do this but I am spacing out her vaccination.   Today we went for the chicken pox vaccine, the kid went in all happy and came out grumpy but she was fine.  Although I have told the doctor that we wanted to space out/delay the vaccines he always just acts surprised.  Today he asked me how many he is allowed to give her and I said just one.  So he said may be I will convince you to combine the remaining in one shots.  I said Ok and didn't say anything.  I will fight that fight when we go in next time.  

4.  On Saturday we went to the mall so I can pick up  gift for a family member.   I forget how much I hate malls around this time of the year.  I like the decorations but I don't love the crowd.  While looking for a parking spot we decided it is useless to drive around so we stood at one spot and waited for people to come out.  Another car came a few minutes later and waited behind us so when the next available spot comes up guess who jumped and drove in in to the spot, yep the car behind us.  And when these people came out of the car after they have parked they wouldn't look at as in the eyes :).  People are crazy around this time of the year and I don't want to be a part of all the hoopla over material stuff.  If I had it my way they will not be any gift buying. 

5. On TTC front I was a little disappointed over my last cycle review.   I am already on Estradiol and progesterone and after I told them that my period was so light this cycle too and asked if the Dr. suggests any changes and they called and said start taking estradiol post peak.  Hello, I am already on it for more than 6 months and then know because I list all the meds for every cycle and send it with my chart, obviously they are not doing a good job on the details.    Any how instead of taking the Estradiol orally it will go in the other way just like the progesterone and we will see if that has any effect with my lining.    I was doing so good over the last few months but this past couple of weeks I have been hung up on the miscarriage and just calculating days on how far along I would have been etc.  All the things that leaves me a little depressed and missing my child.

Not much else to add to this, just enjoying the holiday season.  My hubby will be home for a whole month starting in to weeks so that is pretty exciting.