Recurring team

I am on cd 25 (p+11).  I have been cramping for the last 4 days, started it off light and not as bad as the last cycle.  I am also slightly nauseated. 

I started spotting on p+10, very light so yes there is a possibility that I may be pregnant.   I can't risk it and wait to test until I miss my period so I have to test before stopping the progesterone on p13.  The only thing that is encouraging is the spotting which is very light and not bright red.   Then again I my period's have progressively been light.   The cycle after my D & C the cramps were so bad and I was waiting for a flood.  When AF arrived after a whole week of painful cramps it lasted a day with only light bleeding.

The last few days when MH naps I get in my bed and watch the D.uggar's on my Ipad.   I don't think it is wise to watch while in the 2WW.  I starting tearing about a sill thing one of the youngest child did :).  I have been crying about random stuff too.  I don't think any one who is struggling to conceive should watch this show.  Special the episode where M.i.chelle announced she is pregnant with 19th.  It goes something like, oh I am breastfeeding bla bla and I had a feeling I am pregnant so I tested :). 

MH and I have been enjoying our daily walk.  Fall is my favorite season, I just don't like what it brings.   

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After I posted this blog I started cooking lunch and I can barely stand because the cramps have intensified followed by bright red bleeding.  AF is here at p11, just wonderful.  I give up.

Focused on Healing

Since my miscarriage I have been focused on healing and overall health.   I am doing fine pain wise, it hasn't come back with the same intensity.   However, my hormones are all over the place as usual.  I don't think at this point my doctors can do much for me.   I am on T3 and HC and it makes a big difference.  My Thyroid hormone levels are within normal and I am due for a recheck next month.  I have stopped taking vitamins with the exception of prenatal.    I think taking all those vitamins were making me more ill and when I stopped I felt better. 

There is nothing I can do about the Endometriosis.   The fact that when I am pregnant that most of my pain disappears says it all.  Pregnancy= no pain and hormonal stability for me.   I had two surgeries, and even though I felt better after both, I still had pain shortly after the surgeries which suggests the Endo is aggressive.  I don't think the answer for me is another surgery right now, it may change later on but for now I have to heal as much as possible with out any invasive procedures.    If you have chronic pain and inflammation healing the adrenals is an uphill battle but I confess I haven't been doing enough to help the situation. 

My diet is ok as far as cutting out most things that don't help the adrenals.   I don't drink soda or any fruit juice and I don't miss it much.  I avoid gluten and I don't try to substitute with gluten free products which most are processed.  We hardly consume any processed food, I cook from scratch most of the time.  Where I need improvement is increasing my protein intake and including more vegetables.  Usually breakfast is 2 eggs with some cheese and a cup of tea.  Sometimes I have a piece of fruit.  After the 2 eggs I am full and don't want anything else.  I have ready a few blogs on healing the adrenals that suggest to eat 50 g of protein in the morning.  That is a lot.  I figure the 2 eggs with cheese is about 20 g.  I have tried to add avocado with my eggs.  I do feel better when I have more protein in the morning.  Now that the cooler temps has arrived I have been making soups loaded with protein and veggies and just a small cup of soup for a snack or with a meal makes a huge difference.   I have already seen some improvement in my energy level.  I don't crash as much in the afternoon. 

Since my pain level is low I am able to do more physically.  Right now I am keeping it light with a daily walks  for 30 min.  Anything more will be too harsh and I would crash. 

Sleep wise I used to get at least 8 hours  but I slept past midnight and would sleep in until 9am or so.  I have been trying to be in bed by 10:30 pm on most weeknights.   MH sleeps in late, we usually wake up after 9 am so if I sleep by 11pm I am sleeping at least 10 hours.  That is a lot.   I wake up when DH gets up in the morning and fall back asleep.  I figured if I fall back asleep then my body needs the 10 hours of sleep.  

I try not to overwhelm myself with many changes because I know I am inclined to fail when I try  to implement too many things at once.  So this winter is all about food and sleep.  I am trying to catch up in reading and keeping myself current for my career.     But I don't pressure myself much when I don't accomplish all I want.   

Of couse not Pregnant

After three days of what felt like pregnancy symptoms I caved in and tested.  I expected it to be negative but had to test just in case since I have stopped the progesterone.   I had no anguish over the negative test.  After the whole ordeal of miscarriage I am at a different spot emotional over this matters.   

I have been cramping since Monday with no sign of AF until this afternoon.  Today's cramps remind me of the old days when I had those awful heavy painful periods.  We shall see how it works out but I have been feeling so icky and want to just lay down and cry.   My whole body feels numb and headaches and cramps have not stopped so I have been taking ad.vil.

Poor MH is cutting her 2 year old molars.  Poor baby has been miserable since yesterday.  It started last week when she threw up all over me while laying on my chest.  She didn't throw up after that so I didn't think anything of it.  A few days ago I noticed her left lower 2nd molar is trying to come up.  Yesterday afternoon we were out and she seem OK but refused to eat.  We spend a good hour at a book store and she was happy.   Before bed time she felt hot so we gave her a cool bath and some T.ylenol.  We had to give her another dose in the middle of the night and another one this afternoon.  She is eating and drinking some but not much.   I am so terrified of her going through another febrile seizure so we are trying to keep her temperature down.   It is heart breaking to see her in pain. 

Could It Be Possible?

My D & C was end of August.   I figured I ovulated week of Sep 20th, yes we were active but careful, I don't know if I was really fertile, most likely I guess.  I was just not paying attention much.  I started taking the progesterone after what I thought was ovulation and then I run out of it after a few days.  Then neglected to take it for the remaining 5 days.

I have been cramping for four days now, the same as usual before AF arrives.  However, I have been getting up between 4-5 am the last three days, very odd.  I started going to sleeping an hour earlier than usual so I figured that is why I am waking up early.   I believe today is P + 13/14 or 15.  Just guessing here.  Since after breakfast I have been nauseous.  Weird, there is always a possibility I guess but most likely I am not pregnant.  We were told to avoid at least for one cycle but we may have done the unthinkable at least once in the fertile window.  Oh boy, the things you are open about when dealing with sub/infertility. 

Any how DH said it is impossible.  My body is giving me signals all day.  I have no pregnancy stick so I have to go out and buy some if AF doesn't show up tomorrow.    No bleeding at all so who knows. 

Google tells me fertility increases after a D & C but as you know I am not the "normal" fertile woman.  So I say Ha Ha to that.