Frustrated

My mom is on vacation for two weeks and I have been playing the stay at home mommy role. Oh boy, I love it and hate it at the same time. I love playing with my baby, sipping coffee, reading but I feel lonely. I need interaction with an adult but I can see that this is something I can get used to but will need a lot of discipline to structure my day. Otherwise I will be in my pajamas all day.

Moving on to the real issue I logged on for. Our Easter is tomorrow so like a good wife I set out to cook today. We will not be going to church since the service is overnight and not baby friendly. DH is strictly on vegan diet for lent so I wanted to make something special even though we are invited at his cousin's tomorrow. So I started cooking around 10 am this morning and didn't get out of the kitchen until 3pm. Oh boy, let is just say I am a broken woman. By the end of it my back was killing me, I felt dizzy and weak and just wanted to lie down. I am in my 30s not in my 70s. I am so frustrated of not being able to do the simple things that I need to do without a major melt down. I am physical and mental fragile and I don't know how to deal with it. I am so frustrated with my body that I just want to scream and cry. Once I am to the point of pain the numb headache starts, I get blurry vision, and then I panic. The panic just makes me even weaker. All I wanted to do is make a nice Easter lunch for my husband. This is why I have not invited anyone to our house in a long time. I just can't deal with the pressure and physical demands of hosting anything. We haven’t invited DH's relatives to our house once but yet ever year for Christmas and Easter we go to his cousin's and I feel bad. We should be hosting at least one event a year but I am not capable. I have my family over a lot but they know my situation and do not expect for me to do anything for them. But when it comes to real guests I just can’t handle it. DH says it is not a big deal, if I can’t do it then I shouldn’t. Hopeful I feel better by tomorrow morning.