Thanksgiving

I have so many things to be Thankful for this year even though we are going through a lot. I took Wednesday off to make the break a little longer. We spent Thanksgiving at my Sister's house. Most immediate family members live close by which is a blessing. It was a relaxing day filled with lots of feeding, laughter & tears for the ones who couldn't make it because of illnesses.

My DH and I talked a little bit on our infertility journey. We both agreed that I would need to feel better and we should just put a hold on trying to get pregnant. The focus will be in getting me to feel better physically and emotionally. I am looking at different options of treatments, most of all figuring out the hormonal issues which is just causing a havoc on my emotionally well being.

On the cycle front I am already spotting (cd20), this short cycles are driving me crazy.

Incesant Ovulation

This past weekend I picked up a book "What the Dog S.aw" by M.al.colm Gl.adwell and it has an interesting story about women's ovulation changes over the century. In the pre-industrial era women menstruated less than the modern women due to late onset of puberty and high number of child birth and breastfeeding. It indicates that on average over a life time preindsturial women ovulated 100 times compared to 400 times for women now. For an evolutionary point of view the book raises the effect of increased number of ovulation/menses on women's health. I though this was interesting.

Since I have a 23-25 day cycle and with no pregnancy to show for I am sure my number will be way over 400 times by the time menopause comes around :)

I hate Endo

This morning I walk up and thought it was a work day. The realization of it being Saturday just made my day. Since endo has been in my life sometimes when I wake up I have this dreading feeling. I like my job but the endo makes it so hard to function fully that I dread going to work or anywhere for that matter.

Today is cd7 and I had a little bit of CM but OPK is negative. Temp. dropped a little bit. Overall I am in pain, bloating, leg cramps, lower back pain..all the good things associated with endo. It seems that the new formulation of progesterone cream has been helping with my mood; I don't feel as bad as last month. However, the endo pain makes me think whether it is sensible to try for a baby. In the current state I am in I don't think I will be able to cope with a baby. I am having difficult in coping with day to day challenges how can I be able to raise a child? Then I think of the possibility that pregnancy could help the endo symptoms and that gives me hope.

My DH rarely talks about infertility. The other day he said he will be OK with not being able to have kids. I don't buy that, I say it hasn't hit him yet. He is so good with kids that it hurts to think that there is a possibility that he may not be a father.

Plan for the cycle

Cd4 and I am already feeling the endo pain creeping up. This cycle I started taking grape seed extract and prenatal vitamins. I took the vitamins after lunch today and by 4pm I was starving. Usually I don't feel hungry until 6pm.
I had planned to do an ultrasound at cd6 but I don't think it will be that useful. I know the ovarian cysts still exist, I can feel it. Plus it is too late to get an appointment for Friday. Will see how it goes for a few month.

Cycle

Today is Cd 1. I expected AF to show up yesterday and when the spotting tapered off by late afternoon and there was nothing over night I again thought of pregnancy. But this morning my temp dropped and I knew there was no chance and by afternoon my best friend AF is here. I have mild cramps, it is uncomfortable but since I am home I haven’t taken any pain medication. I was just thinking about the roller coaster ride of my cycle. For the most part I am sick for most of the days. I was looking at my BBT chart notes and observed the following
1. Cd 1-3, AF, cramps could be severe to mild. Headache, backache
2. Anxious feelings and mood swings pre-ovulatory, CD6-10
3. Ovulation pain cd 7-11
4. PMS Cd 20-25, cramps, headaches, backache, dizziness
5. Back to cd 1
Just LOVELY. This is looking at the last four month of my cycle. Last cycle was hard because I was sick to some extent almost every day before and after ovulation.
Talked to DH’s sister today, lives in another country, and she brought up the baby thing and I told her nothing yet. I am so tired of that question.
So for this cycle I will start the progesterone starting from Cd4 and see how it goes. I think the new formulation of Progesterone is helping my moods.

2ww Over

The 2ww is over. Today is Cd22 and I am spotting :(. The last couple of days I have been having the usual PMS symptoms plus very sore boobs. I actually thought I could be pregnant since I usually don’t have sore boobs. Driving home I was tempted to stop by and get HPT tests but stopped myself. I have a rule, no testing unless 15 days post ovulation. However I got home to find that I have started spotting. I am not too crashed about it since I didn’t expected to this cycle but I am mad at myself for having the thought of pregnancy this early. When we first started trying I tested for a couple of cycles but it was too hard to see no line so I vowed that I will not test any more unless I miss my period by a few days. My post ovulation temp is at 99.1 this morning and has been this high since ovulation, very new for me since prior to progesterone cream I barley hit 98 so at least that is a positive.