Dump water on my fire

Its been a though few weeks in our house hold.   Toddler MH was sick for a week after a vaccination.  My DH got food poisoning and was pretty out of it for at least three days and was struggling to eat but he is OK now.   

I was feeling so good both physically and emotionally.    However, the last few days have been crappy.   AF arrived last week accompanied with minimal cramps.   It was a med free cycle.   Besides headache and hormonal shift I had no other symptoms so I was just enjoying the easy ride.   I started taking Fer.t.ileCM on cd2 and started with twice a day.   A few days later I noticed that after I had taken a shower in the evening I was feeling really tired and not myself so I went to bed early.   I also noticed that my pelvic pain was also high that day, and felt like my mid section was inflamed. Around 3 am I woke up and felt uneasy and was sweaty.  I laid there for a few seconds and forced myself to get up to pee.  Once I reached our bathroom I knew there was something seriously wrong.   I forced myself to pee and went back to my bed.  By then my heart was beating like crazy.  I asked DH to put his hand on my chest, and he was startled on how fast it was beating.  I felt lightheaded and thought I was going to pass out.   DH called 911, by the time they got to our place my heart wasn't beating as fast but it was still above normal (112 bpm) so they suggested that they take me to the hospital.  So I spent 4 hours at the ER, had an EKG done which was normal.  Blood work was also normal.  My blood pressure was slightly high but went back down after an hour at the hospital.   My stomach also hurts and It feels like I have been glutened.   I haven't had one of these episodes since 2008/2009.   I had a few episodes like this before due to a combination of anemia and pain.    It is possible that the Fe.rtileCM might have been the cause since that is the only thing that is new.   I stopped all supplements for a few days and only taking my thyroid meds so that I can give my stomach a break.   I also stopped LDN for two days and last night I took it.    I walk up at 3 am again, I was feeling the exact same symptoms and my stomach was killing me.  Instead of getting up immediately, I laid there for about 5 min, my heart rate was also high but not as high as the first episode.  Now I am thinking it could be the LDN.  So I called the compounding pharmacy and asked them if they have changed anything with the formulation.  They said it is a new batch but the fillers were the same and same lot as last month.   They also said they haven't received any complaints from other customers.   I am going to stop all meds except my thyroid meds and resume the LDN in a week and see what happens.

Just when I thought things are looking bright I seem to be taking several steps back.  I am so terrified of the Endo pain creeping back up.  Plus I am going to start estrogen cream post ovulation and that can't be good for the endo.  I am debating weather this is a good idea.  In an effort to get pregnant I do not want to end up in more pain than I am.  

This is so aggravating.  I was going to focus on building up my uterine lining this cycle.  Now the focus has been diverted in trying to get better and I have had a stupid headache that won't go away    

Update

1.  My last ultrasound done at P + 7 (cd21) showed my endometrial lining to be only 6 mm (cycle I conceived and lost the pregnancy within days).  Usually > 8 mm is ideal for conception.  This is after I took estradiol suppository  post ovulation.   That cycle I had also taken baby aspirin so I believe that my lining must have been thinner in previous cycles.   So the plan is to wait a cycle without no meds and to use estradiol cream post ovulation as well as take fertile CM in addition to all other list of drugs in the next cycle.    I am also going to add baby aspirin.    The Dr. suggested to try to get pregnant on the first medicated cycle but I want to make sure that my lining is optimal before we try.   It is my fault that we ended up with a failed pregnancy.  I should have gone with my gut feeling and made sure that the lining was optimal even if the Dr. gave the green light to TTC.    During the medicated cycle I will have another ultrasound and if things have improved then we will try again.   I am also considering acupuncture even though financially it is difficult but it might be worth to try at least for two-three cycles to increase blood flow to the uterus.  If things don't improve after one cycle I will have to do a hysteroscopy to check out my uterus.  The last hysteroscopy I had was back in 2009 and it was the most painful procedure and I am trying not to go through it if I don't have to.  I absolutely do not want to TTC unless I am sure things are looking good.         

2.  Desiccated thyroid has been a miracle for my anxiety.  I wake up happy and do not have that dreaded feeling that comes with being anxious.  I still have some ways to go I think but overall I feel like a different person.  I have been taking it for almost 2 months now I don't have the on/off headaches and my mood has improved so much.   I have been struggling with keeping myself updated professional, i.e reading and learning some things that I need to learn for my profession.   Now I can actually focus and don't get overwhelmed with the thought of going back to work.  

3. 2013 has been an up and down year emotionally.  It is the year that I finally was at peace with being home with my baby and actually took the time to enjoy being a stay at home mother.   I use to have a hard time being in the moment and not planning or thinking of the future obsessively.   When DH and I use to go on vacation I would thinking/plan the next vacation while on vacation, this is how bad I was.   So I have been fighting that urge to think of the future obsessively and has improved a lot in that regard.    2013 is also the year with two painful pregnancy losses.   Hoping for the better 2014. 

4. After my first successful pregnancy I thought the 2nd time around would not be difficult and that I would be on the same meds I was first time around and would be able to get pregnant.  Well that didn't pan out and now I have new issues, most likely a result of being older and approaching 40.   This two losses have given me a heightened awareness that my first pregnancy was a miracle.   Besides the few scares during my first trimester the pregnancy went normally.    I am hoping that we can fix the thin endometrial lining and I will have another successful pregnancy. 

5.  I have lost 5 lb since my pregnancy in July, after a few months of taking L.D.N my mid section looks slimmer.   I still have another 5-10 lb to lose but at least I don't look like I am pregnant, well not as bad as before.   I was looking at a video tape from August before I found out about the issue with the pregnancy and I looked like I was 5 months pregnant when I was only at 6 wks.  No wonder people kept asking me.   I also don't need to snack in between meals and I think it is a result of the desiccated thyroid med. 

6.   Hoping that 2014 will be the year for those waiting for their BFP or adoption.  Wishing you the best.

Christmas 2nd Time Around

Today is the E.thi.pian orthodox Christmas.    My hubby is home and we were planning to go to my Aunt's house for celebration but decided not to take MH out in the frigid cold weather.   Kind of disappointed but she just recovered from a cold and I didn't want to risk taking her out in such a harsh weather.   Plus we don't have the proper clothing for this kind of weather.

So we sat home bundled up and listened to prayers and songs on YouTube and got lost in our childhood memories of Christmas.   I looked up the weather in my home town and it is at 72C.  My mom went back home for Christmas celebration and I am a little jealous.  She is actually visiting this church over the Christmas holiday.  Some day I plan to take a trip.