Space

The first few weeks after moving to our new place I was in pain. In pain due to the physical work involved with moving but also due to the fact we now have stairs which my legs were not used to climbing on regular bases. Although I like our new house at the I missed the simplicity of our beloved apartment.

DH and I lived together before getting married.  Not a smart move but that is another post.

The first place I called my own besides college housing was shared with my sister. It was a big apartment; we both had our own bedrooms. When my sister wanted to move out (I was dating DH at the time) we decided to move in together. He was in school at the time and I also wanted to save money so we moved into an efficiency. I know, we were crazy. The place was small and there was nowhere to hide when we fought :). We had a mattress, computer table and a chair. On weekends we went out to a local cafe that had nice tables and sofas and that was our living room. We spent many hours there doing school work and reading.

We moved in to a one bedroom apartment after a year. I thought we had so much space, we had a dining room, living room and a little kitchen. I loved the space, it was big enough for the two of us. After we got married we moved to another apartment closer to my job and it was a two bedroom and much bigger. I loved it, and I dreamt of having a baby at this place. We told ourselves this would be the last place we will rent. Then came tinny MH. She didn't take up much space but her stuffy took over the apartment :).  

A week after we moved to our new house we went to clean the apartment before handing the key and it fealt so small :). I am sure our new place will look small in a few years but for now it is big for me in some senses. See we only had a love seat in front of the TV in our apt and both DH and I sat there ever night. I just miss the small, cozy personal space we had. 

Napro Dr. Visit

Last week I had my first postpartum Napro Dr. appointment. Since Dr. S is no longer there I saw Dr. D. in the same office. The routine was the same, drove 2+ hours early morning with my husband and waited for 1h to see the Dr. but I guess that is how the office operates. My aim for the appointment was to get suggestion on how I can get off the progesterone pre peak so that I can ovulate normally again and also deal with the anxiety. Right now I am taking progesterone from day 3 until the first day of cycle. I have had irregular cycles for over six months and it is obvious I am not ovulating every cycle.

I was a little disappointed that the Dr. did not review my chart prior to the appointment because she kept asking me what medicine I was on pre-pregancy. Anyhow the major issue is my Anxiety and coming off the progesterone without another solution is not practial for me. I was on LDN, HC, post peak progesterone and estradiol prepregancy. So we discussed the options.  So for now I am going to start the HC and post peak-progesterone and estradiol.  She suggested B.us.par for anxiety but decided only to add  it if I need it.  I am hoping that the HC will help and if I don't feel better I will consider B.us.par.  It is suppose to be safe for pregnancy just in case I do conceive but I do not want to be on it for the obvious reasons.  In addition it is not a medicine prescribed for long term from what I read.  

So the plan is for me to go back to her with two month chart and then we will go from there.  

If anyone reading has experience with B.us.par please share. Thanks.

Balancing marriage and family

I wrote this a week ago and my computer crashed before I could post it.

My oldest sister usually hosts Thanksgiving.  Since all my siblings live in the area and see each other pretty often it is just another day of family gathering.  My sister went back to work after 10 years at home and she is tired busy so I volunteered to host.   I spent Wednesday cooking.  I don't like turkey much and have never made it before so I stuck to E.t.hio.pian dishes.    As usually I was in pain by the end of it but kept taking pain killers so it wasn't too bad.   It was a small gathering with just my sister and her family, my uncle and my parents.  Food turned out great and we had a good time.    I am grateful for the fact that my family are close by and for all the opportunities this country has to offer.   I think the US is the best place to live for any immigrant.

Anyhow as I said most of my siblings are here and I have a lot of extended family.  DH's immediate family are back home and although he does have some distant relatives here they are not as close since they only know one another as adults.   In addition growing up DH family were isolated from most of his extended family.  

Most of the visitors to our home are my family.   I live 20 min from my parents and sister's house so there is at least 2-3 times a week someone will pop in especially since my mom spends the weekdays with us.    I think this has gotten a little overwhelming for my DH.  Since we had MH everyone wants to come visit and I love it but I can see how it can be overwhelming.     In addition, I think some of us in the family still operate as if we don't have a family of ours.   Decisions sometimes are made without involving spouses.   I grew up in an environment where it was close to impossible to be alone.  We are a big family but we also had neighbors and extended family visit a lot so for me it actually feels lonely when I don't have people around.  I remember when I was a child I would sit in our backyard just to get some alone time.  I am trying to be understanding to DH's needs and focus more on just the three of us.    DH loves my family and I think all he needs is for my number one priority to be my marriage and kid and then my family.   Usually I don't separate the two.