Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Possibly Closing Shop

I hope everyone had a blessed Easter.  I didn't fast for Easter but I did go meatless for the entire time so that is a plus.  May be next year I would be able to do vegan only.  My DH and my mom always fast so my only meal that consists of non lent food were the eggs and cheese I consume for breakfast. 

We had some family drama over the last month that left me very angry and sad.  I wasn't motivated to do much of anything so I wasn't sure I wanted to host Easter lunch.   Then I thought it and it would only be my sister, parents and my brother's family.  I still would have to cook for us so I figured either way I am going to end up doing a lot.   So two days spent prepping food.  E.th.opian food requires a lot of onions so I spent a day chopping all the ingredients.  We moved it to dinner instead of lunch and we had a peaceful low key lunch with my hubby and little girl.  

So I guess I will move on to the reason for the title of the post.   For the first time in years I am feeling less burdened with infertility.    The last few months we have been avoiding and that has given me such peace.  I am finding myself talking and thinking about infertility less and less and that is such a blessing.   At this point I don't care if I ever get pregnant again.  I would welcome if it happens but I have had enough of the torture and I want out.    I have a Napro Dr. appointment on Friday that I made a few months ago.  I wanted to cancel it once I found out I had no scar tissue in my uterus.  I know my Napro Dr. is going to suggest HCG shots but I don't think I want to go there.   I asked my DH if we should keep the appointment, and we came to a decision that we at least should see her one more time and go from there.  

I feel a little guilty that I want to stop TTC because that would mean toddler will be an only child.   I feel that may be I am not fighting hard enough since I a able to get pregnant but unable to stay pregnant so I tell myself at least we have the first hurdle figured out.  But then again the guilty feeling only last a short time and I am just back to the happy feeling of not being burdened by 2WW. 

So I am on the final works of possibly closing shop and for the most part it makes me happy. 

1 comment:

  1. I say, whatever gives you peace is the right decision. Always go with peace. It's not like you'd start preventing pregnancy, if God wanted it to happen He could still make a miracle for you. I understand the allure of just moving on with life, being done with all the drama and pain. And honestly, being an only child with a happy and relaxed mother is far better than being an only child with an emotional, hormonal, and depressed mom. Your baby needs you to be whole and complete and happy. I hope you and your husband can agree and make a decision that will bless your life with peace and love.