Dreams

For the last few years I have had the same recurring set of dreams that creep up from time to time.   

1. I am in a car/bus or in a big building trying to go somewhere.  In the dream I get lost over and over again and never get to my destination.   I am either driving aimlessly or in a big building trying to get to a place within the building but never get there.  The other night I dreamt that I took a family member to the ER and had to take my cousin to the same ER but I couldn't find it so I am climbing stairs, getting in to elevators etc but never get to my destination.

2.  I am somewhere or in a class room where someone announces that we are having an exam but I haven't studied at all.  I tell people around me I am not prepared to take the test.  I read the questions and don't know any of the answers.   I haven't been in school for the last 8 years so I have no idea why I am having this dream.  I usually wake up from it with such a knot in my stomach.  I hate this dream. 

3.  The third dream is usually me arguing with someone.  Usually it is a family member.  I hate conflict so I avoid it at all costs.    In the dream I am screaming at someone and letting them have it.  My oldest sister and my brother are usually at the receiving end.    This dream doesn't bother me as much; I am doing what I want to do in reality but since I hate conflict I get to do it in my dream :)

I wish I was one of those people who doesn't dream or never remember their dreams. 

Physical exercise with chronic pain

I am really bad at blogging.  I have no excuse.  I have a lot of time on my hands where I am usually either reading blogs or watching TV.   I have so many things I want to write about mainly my struggle with endometriosis but those posts are not fun.  

During 55 day lent I gave up meat and I also made a point to exercise.    My first cycle on lent I had no menstrual pain prior to my period, non what so ever.   I was thinking the meatless diet had something to do with it but that is just one menstrual cycle.  The next cycle was also less pain.  In addition to lessening of my pain hormonally I was a lot more stable.   I think going with out meat had an effect.  

So for exercise I started off with light stretching and light cardio.    I know any strenuous exercise makes my pain worse but I thought I give it another try.  I incorporated yoga to balance out the stress on my body.     Starting off it wasn't too bad and I got excited and added Z.um.ba.   After two weeks of exercise I was seeing that my moods were a lot better and I walk up and did not always feel the dread that I usually do.   I exercised in the evenings for at least 1h.    But as each day passed that I noticed I walk up in pain, much more pain than usual and would spend the day recuperating.   I cut down the cardio and made it every other day but it was still too much.  After 6 wks of exercise I stopped.   I was in a lot more pain after a session and just couldn't bring myself to go back to it. 

I actually looked forward to exercising and I was disciplined.  I at least did 4-5 sessions a week so the commitment was there.    So I am going to drop the cardio and only do stretching and light walking.   I will also give up red meat and see if the effect I saw during lent is real.  

My pain seems to be increasing recently, it is an up and down battle.  Lately I am waking up in the morning with increased pain on my right hip and thighs that radiates to my legs.   I have lower back pain all that time and the intensity goes up and down depending on how much I do physically and where I am on my cycle.   With increased pain comes the migraine headaches and overall tense muscles.

I am also beginning to look in to the personal care products I use.  I don't really have a lot of products I use besides the basics.  I don't wear makeup except for eye liners and lipsticks.  I have one bottle of perfume that was a wedding gift.  Yep 5 years later I still have the same perfume.    I also don't use deodorants much specially in the winter since I send most of my time at home.   So I want to start slow and replace these products with safer ones.   We don't really buy a lot of house hold cleaners either.  I clean most things in the kitchen with dish detergents and bathrooms with shampoo.  The only household cleaners we buy are cloth and dish detergent and dish washer detergent. 

My niece is graduating from middle school and we are attending this evening so day 1 of my exercise regime will start tomorrow.  Wish me luck.