Quick Takes

1. I thought now that I am home I will have enough time for blogging.   I don't know where the time goes but most of it is my laziness and unwillingness to fight with my dying computer.

2. We celebrated baby MH's birthday last week.   We had a housewarming/birthday party last Saturday.  With my wonky hormones and overly anxious self I was worried sick about the party.  We had 60+ people including all the kids.   There were no way that I would have been able to cook all that was needed.  Just thinking about it gives me a headache.   We had the food catered by a local E.thiopian restaurant.  We made some of the veggie dishes and we had at least 12 different dishes.  Boy it makes it so easy when you don't have to cook.  All week before the party I was a ball of nerves but all went well.  Everyone had a blast.    Baby MH got to cut a white chocolate cake but did not take part in the eating :).  

3. I have been enjoying being SAHM for the most part but my hormonal state makes it hard.  Sometimes I think that if I am busy with a stupid job then I wouldn't worry about the most random stuff.  I have not gone to my Dr for a follow up and figure out how I can deal with the debilitating anxious feeling.   I also get numbing headaches ever morning and I think that is due to the progesterone.  I was on 100 mg before ovulation and 200 mg after but I switched to 100 mg through out my cycle which made the headaches better.   I am just tired of going to the Dr :(.  I stopped taking T3 for a week, didn't get a chance to pick up the prescription.  After a few days I started feeling the lump on the side of my throat which was more obvious when I swallowed.  

4. On the subject of TTC we are not avoiding but not actively trying either.   MH sleeps with us so that also puts a limit. I have been lazy about charting but I am kind of discouraged.  I hardly have any fertile CM and I am just not ready for the battle of TTC.  I don't think I want to go there again with the obsessively charting, CM analysis, and all that comes with it.   I am just not emotionally strong enough to handle the disappointments.   Since Dr. S has retired I have made an appointment with another Napro Dr at the same office for November. yes Nov, so far out.    Right now I want to get pregnant so that I can feel sane.  The last 5-6 month of my pregnancy I felt hormonally balanced.  It was the best time for me health-wise.  I do anything to feel that normally again.  Is it bad that I want to be pregnant more than I want to give birth to a child? 

5. We have been trying to transition MH to her crib, it is not working so well.  When she sleeps we transfer her to her crib but she wakes up in the middle of the night and looks for us and starts crying.  At that point there is no putting her back in the crib so she comes to our bed.  This has been going on for two weeks.  She sleeps in the crib for her naps.  She doesn't want to be placed in the crib when she is awake.  I think we are not trying hard enough.  My mantra is she will transition when she is ready.  We will see how long this lasts. 

6. I am doing a bad job on time management.  Being a SAHM has been challenging and my weakest point is time management.   I have so many tasks and so little time and drive to get things done.  

7. I love fall but I hate what comes after it :(.  Just thinking about cold weather puts me in a bad mood.   Hopefully it won't be too bad.   

Settling

Its been almost a month since I quit my job and also moved in in to our new home.  Things have been going good for the most part.  Our sofa finally was delivered last week so we are happy we have a place to sit.  We are still looking for a dining table.  We wanted a black/brown leather cushion on the chairs so it is easy to clean but can't seem to find that around the furniture stores in town.  I came to realize that I am not very good at decorating a home.  I want to be good at it but I lack the patient and also the designer gene :).   I have watched hours of HGTV and it doesn't help.  I still have to pick area rugs, curtains, and a few other things.  We have MH's first birthday party in a few weeks.  It would be a birthday/house warming party together and we have to get the place ready.

On the stay at home front I have been enjoying it.  I love waking up with my daughter and spending moments with her doing her morning bla bla.  She is really funny.   The girl can talk.  We usually wake up at around 8am and spend some time cuddling and talking before we go down for breakfast.  I love spending time with my mom sipping some good Ethi.opian coffee after breakfast.  The fact that my mom is with us during the weekdays is huge for me.  I enjoy spending time with her and also being able to do other things while she watches the baby.

MH is standing assisted.  She is now 11 month old.  She can also go up the stairs and also attempting standing unassisted.  She is still small, about 20 lb.  She has her 9 month Dr. appointment coming up (yes I know we are late).  Last week she caught her first cold and has fully recovered.

Moving on to the not so much fun topic.  I have been struggling with intense anxiety for the last few weeks.  I don't know if it is because of the change that took place over the last month or if I was beat up physically with all the stress of work, finally quitting and moving that my body is responding to it now.  Some days I am miserable, especially when I have time to myself and not distracted.   I am fearful of a lot of things including going out of the house alone.   I had also started taking HC, only took it for a few wks because I felt like it was making my anxiety worse.   I am on oral progesterone since 3 month postpartum but stopped taking it for 10 days pre-ovulatory to see if it is  in fact causing the non-ovulatory cycles.   I think that also added to it so I am now on progesterone through out my cycle.  My endo pain has been elevated,  I think it is due to increased physical activity.   I don't know what to do.   Please let me know if you have any advice.  It it just too frustrating to say the least.