It has been six months since I have been a SAHM. The initial plan was for me to take at least a 6 months break before looking for a job assuming that I don't get pregnant within the 6 months. Now things have changed. I am not ready to go back to work; far from it. I also want to TTC for another 6 months since I have not been ovulating regularly.
My DH in addition to his full time position he had a part time teaching position. He has been doing this for the last 5 years or so consistently. However, this semester they said in order to save money the school will have full time faculty load increase and get rid of the part time positions. This means his take home check will not cover all of our expenses. It is almost enough but not quite. I also use to pay my Mom for the babysitting help but will not be doing so and I had to tell her this week :(.
I feel guilty. My parents gave up everything so their kids could have a better future in the US. They have no pension or any significant amount of saved up money. When I was working I gave them money monthly and I took pride in doing so. It wasn't a lot but it was something. It seem like my siblings are struggling with money too so they are also giving less. We also help DH's family back home and that is something we can not stop to do.
The majority of time I am at peace with my decision to stay home. But at times I feel guilty that I should be out there working and helping out my parents, other family and also lessen the burden on DH. My DH has been very supportive. Since I quit my job he has not brought up money issues or suggested for me to go back to work. He is on board with the commitment we have made and he also likes that I am home.
When the guilt creeps up I always have to go to the list of why I chose to be home and that the fact is I don't think I can do it all with my health issues. It is not as simple as getting another stressful job. Since I have been back on HC and off of the progesterone I have been feeling a lot better. I am on a road to recovery but I also have quite a way to go. I want to feel my best before the next job so I can manage family and career at the same time. If God blesses as with another child then I will have to further delay going back to work.
For now I am going to count my blessings and focus on giving in other ways.
