New Doctor & new hope, may be

My Napro Doc said there is a possibility that I may have A.sh.rman's syndrome based on 5 mm of endometrial lining thickness and light period during a medicated cycle.  I didn't talk to the Dr. directly, she had a nurse call me so I really couldn't ask that many questions.  Any how since I suspected something is up already I found a Dr. in the area that specializes in treating people with A.sharman's and I had my first appointment today.  

I made a mistake and made an early appointment, we are late risers and toddler MH had a hard time waking up for the 45 min drive.   I was called by the nurse after 5 min of waiting so I was feeling good about it.  I made a mistake of not having my medical history faxed from the Napro Dr.  I wanted to first meet the Dr. and see if he could help me first before I had my extensive private medical history faxed.   But I think it would have helped a lot for him to know the history prior to seeing him.

Any how the appointment went well.  He was attentive, asked me a lot of questions, didn't rush at all except he made me wait 15 min half naked prior to the exam.   After we went over my history he said he wanted to do an internal exam which I expected.  What I didn't expect was the re.ctal exam.  As soon as he said he would like to do one I wanted to run out of that office.  I hate these exams, I know I know, who likes them but I just despise it so much.  I think it was because I was hurting a lot when I had one with my Napro Doc prior to my 2nd surgery. 

The exam wasn't too bad I guess, I have had worse.  He pressed on some points that where painful so possible endo, mostly on the left side but he said overall he thinks things are OK down there as far as the endometriosis.   Since I have bleeding the estrogen he also thinks if there is any scar tissue it may not be significant.   He suspects that my lining is not responding to the estrogen and possible a receptor issue rather than scarring or a combination of both. 

So I am scheduled for a hysteroscopy in two weeks and he wants me to take 2 mgs of esterase everyday for two weeks to build up the lining.  He said he wants to look at the lining at its optimum and if there is any scar tissue he can start working on it the same day if it is not severe.  If severe then I will have to have to be under for the removal.   This visit will allow for two things, see the health of the endometrial lining as well as take care of any scar tissue.

I told him that it looked like I haven't ovulated, haven't had any fertile CM and I am on cd24 which is very unusual for me so I am sure the estrogen cream had something to do with this.  He said go ahead and start on the esterase even though we have no idea where in my cycle I am on.  I am a little uneasy to move forward with this.  Usually he will advise to it take during the follicular phase and do a cd14 or after hysteroscopy.    If I take this and AF arrives in a few days as expected then I will have to start it again, this means taking it longer than necessary and it will possibly mess up my cycle even further if I am post ovulation right now.   However, it is unlikely that I am post ovulation, since no hint of ovulation and no hint of AF.  By cd24 I would have started spotting or cramping.   I am going to wait until Sunday and if I don't see any thing will start taking it.

As much as I liked the Dr. and the possibility of solving what ever is the problem my mind keeps going back to calling it a day with infertility treatments.  I don't have it in me to fight any more.  I want to fight for my health so I can take care of my family.   I don't want to experience more losses.  I think I am ready to let it go after this treatment but surprisingly  DH doesn't seem ready.