In search of Neighbors

A few weeks ago a neighbor from my home country was visiting my parents.  She now lives in the US up North.

Her visit brought back so many memories as our houses were next to each other and we grew up with her sons.   It also is a reminder how life is completely different here and how my childs experience will be so much different than mine and also my experience as an adult compared to my mothers. 

Growing up we lived in a community where everyone new each other.  Our neighbors were like family and still are. My mom was a member of the neighborhood women's group and ever month they had a party/meeting at each others houses.  Some of the women were working, some were stay at home mothers and from different backgrounds.  They collected money, they planned weddings, they were there for people that lost loved ones both financially and emotionally.   

My mother was a SAHM and she often got together with other SAHM's in the neighborhood.   In our culture having coffee is the biggest social event.  Daily my Mom will be called to neighbor's house for coffee, this are elaborate ceremonies where women from the neighborhood get together and talk for hours about anything and everything.   The coffee ceremony usually starts with incent burning, roasting coffee bean from scratch and making the coffee at least three times.

When my mother invites neighbors for coffee I would do the disappearing act so that I won't be the one making coffee.  As a child I hated sitting in front of the adults pouring coffee and serving while they chatted.  I was shy and it was too painful for me to sit still for the duration of the ceremony. 

These coffee ceremonies and monthly meetings were vital to our community especially for the women.  They talked about their kids, their marital and financial problems, issues in the community and everything in between.  Of course you have a dose of competition, who's kids were the smartest, who had the best furniture or biggest house etc.

These women to Mom are life long friends.  When she usually visits our home country she will stay for a week or so in one of the neighbor's house so that she can spend time with all.    Of course it is not the same as old times, a few have passed away, some have immigrated to the US or other countries.  But that women's group to this day exists 20 some years later.   These women are the closest friends of my mother. 

Now that I am a SAHM I long for such experience.  I often go for walks around our neighborhood with toddler MH and the neighborhood feels deserted.  There are a few SAHM on the block but I hardly see them walking around. It is almost like people are afraid of getting to know each other.  While I was working and living in an apartment I really didn't think much about it.    I think we would have been better off living in the city rather than the suburbs.    It is comforting to see people walking on the street.  Here if I go out in the middle of the day their is hardly any one on the street, I actual don't feel very safe.   

We have tried to replace daily human contact with social media.    Although is better than nothing it is not the same, I don't get to smell the coffee and kiss other peoples babies.