This and that, mostly sulking

1.  I hate fall back, why can't we just stick with one time.  This change in time mess up my adrenals.   Seriously, I can tolerate the cold but I hate it when it starts getting dark at 5:30pm.  It is messing with me big time.  You would think with the time change we would start getting up early.  It happened just for one day, MH got up an hour early as expected but the next day back to sleeping until 9 am.   I set my alarm clock for 8 am so we can get up earlier and enjoy the day light. 

2.  I was looking forward to a relaxing evening with my husband today.  It is cold out and I planned for us to stay home and I also want to wash my hair and style.  When he came home today, one of his friend told him about a book release discussion and he wanted to go.  All the way to the city, which is like 45 min drive.  So he won't be back until 10 pm the earliest I guess.   So I am sitting at home.  MH is parked at the TV.   I know bad mom, but she hasn't watched TV the last few days so it is Ok. 

3. I haven't stepped out of the house in two days.  Yesterday it was raining, today it was windy and cold so we didn't go for our daily walk.  MH hates the cold wind on her face, but I should have just bundled her up and gone out for some air.  Now I am feeling cabin feverish.   Reminder to me is to go out for a walk even when it is cold, unless it is too cold.  Toddler needs air and I need it too.

4. We have a birthday party to go to for MHs cousin who is turning 3.   I am looking forward to seeing everyone.  Her Mom is trying for a 2nd child but it is not happening, she is in her early 40s and having issues.  Back in the beginning of summer when we saw her she asked me if I was pregnant and I told her no and we are having trouble as expected.  I asked about her she said not yet and kind of changed the subject. Why is it that people ask you these questions but don't like being asked the same questions?   May be I am too open due to all the medical hurdles and the blog world.  I really don't have any problems of telling people we have issues.  The last time I went to lunch with friends from my old job, one of them asked if I wanted a 2nd child and when, and I told her we are struggling and it takes more than just trying for us and another friend was looking at me in horror for saying it.    We all know how babies get here, sheeesheee.

5.  While on the subject, when I went to see my regular OB after the D &C; C he had a medical student in training and he asked if it is ok for her to sit in, I said fine.  So after he checked down there for 30 second which by the way he charged $275 for he asked me to dress up and meet him in his office.  So just trying to get my money's worth I asked a few questions and I mentioned about the endometriosis and that what my options were down the line.  He said "we can fix that when the time comes".  I was like what do you mean by fix and of course he said hysterectomy as if it is not a big deal.  And then he recommended the same IVF doctor that he send me for my first surgery.   I had to remind myself right there that he is just a baby catcher and I shouldn't expect more.  I told him there is a reason why I am going to another state for that and reminded him I had my 2nd surgery out of state for a reason.  The medical student was just sitting and listening.    He then proceeded to tell me I had 3 good years of fertility considering my age.  I get so irritated for the one fits all mentality standard doctors prescribe.   While we are on the age subject and fertility, we were discussing the women in my family and menopause with my siblings.  My mom said her period disappeared before she was 45.   One of my sister who is in her late 40s said it is been at least a year since she had her cycle, and my oldest sister said hers come once in a while, ever three or four month and mostly very light.   My aunt also said hers stopped around 45.  So it is not looking too good for me.   My periods have progressively gotten light and that is not very encouraging.   

6.  I am approaching ovulation and I am hesitant to TTC even though my Napro Doc said to start. DH also wants to continue trying.  I was going to wait until the ultrasound  to measure the thickness of the uterus lining just to make sure that it is not an issue.  God knows I can't handle another miscarriage if that is the problem.   Why is it so hard to hold off TTC? 

7.  Us you can see I am not in the best of moods.  I have a headache and I don't know why,  my pain level creep up the last few days, could be due to ovulation approaching.   After 4 years of gluten free, I finally brock down and ate gluten intentional.  My mom had some fried dough a friend sent her from home, it reminded me of my childhood and I have been wanting to try if I am still going to respond to gluten.  So I ate the darn thing and it was so good.  I didn't have any pain the day after as usual so I figured I can eat it again so I ate it twice after that.  The last few days I have had a spastic colon and pain down there.  It is not as bad as it was but if I keep eating I know I would get there.  So hands off the fried dough.   It is in my pantry and I am resisting it.

8. This blog post is getting too long. On a positive note I just wanted to mention that after a month of walking and the endometriosis not being fully back yet I am feeling less bloated and I also lost 4 lb.  I can actually suck in my mid section without pain.  So I am thankful for that and wishing for an active winter.  Thanks for listening if you made it this far :).