Waiting

There is really not much happening on my end.  At this point it is all a waiting game.  I will have an ultrasound on Thursday which should make it a week from last. 

I still feel pregnant.  Nausea, back pain and feeling tired usually after lunch.   The waiting is killing me.  My thoughts are all over the place.  Last week I broke down and sobbed to my husband.   He is too calm, sometimes it comes across as insensitive.   He said he is not worried yet and he hasn't lost hope that things are Ok.   So I am hanging to that hope but Dr. G.oogle doesn't help.  At times when the pregnancy symptoms come on strong I trust that all will be OK but those are short lived.  

This morning I walk up to cramps and I did the usual wipe and look.  There was a hint of red but nothing else.  The cramps have subsided but I am nervous.   Last week prior to the ultrasound I was care free.  Just enjoying being pregnant and full of joy which now has been replaced by constant worry. 

I had a party to go to for a family friend on Sat but decided not to go.  Why because I don't have any pants that fit me and I am not going to take out my maternity pants.   I am already wearing them at home.  In addition added to the usual abdominal blot I already look like 3 month pregnant.  I don't want people to ask me if I am pregnant; I am not ready to tell people at this point.  So I guess you can say I am in hiding. 

Keeping myself busy until Thursday arrives.